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February 3, 2023 2:45 pm  #1

Looking for help and support - new to forum

 am a woman and have been married to my husband for almost 34 years.  12 years ago he cheated with a woman.  After much counseling and work we stayed together.  3 years ago he cheated again and for this first time told me that he is bisexual and was with a man.  Again, we stayed together as I love him and he promised he loved me and said that he had just wanted to explore his newly admitted (to himself) sexuality and promised to be faithful from then on.  I do not care that he is bisexual and attracted to both men and women.  I just don't like being cheated on and the lies and hurt that go along with that.  
For the last few weeks he has been somewhat distant and often depressed.  He said that he was having a hard time dealing with who he is and the guilt for the hurt that he caused me in the past.  Well, I found out two days ago that he was texting someone.  He admitted that it was a man and after a few initial false stories finally admitted that he was seeing this guy for the last 6 months.  Again with the lies and secrets.  He said that he cannot be someone who he is not and that he feels like he has been denying his bisexuality.   He says that he cannot deny his desire to also be with men as this would be denying "who he is."   I asked him to leave our house because of the cheating and the constant lies.  We have children but they are grown and out of the house so it is just me.  
He has been in contact with me and says that he loves me but he has to be true to himself (which i understand).  I told him that I cannot be with someone who lies and cheats behind my back.  He wants an open marriage.  
First of all, I am not sure I can forgive the lies and cheating (again).  Second I am not sure I could emotionally handle an open marriage.  I am not sure I could trust him to stay within any rules that we set up given his past history of lies and cheating.
I don't understand as I am not bisexual.  He is saying that if he is not with both men and women (me) then he is denying his true self.  I believe you can be bisexual but still commit to being faithful to only one person.  
I love him and I know he loves me.  This is all so very overwhelming and it is causing me much distress and anxiety.  I am so confused.  Please help if you have any advise.  I want to understand. 


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