Hi all,

I’ve been sharing my story in Sean’s thread and I have been advised to create my own thread so here goes…

I met my partner and father of my two children when we were 18 and 19. We are now 30 and 31 so we’ve been together a fair amount of years before I ever suspected that he could be gay. When we met literally a few days in he did tell me he thought he was gay when he was a child. His mum told him on the way to school one day that his dad would send him to a prostitute if he didn’t loose his virginity by the time he turned 16. His mother clearly agreed with this or she was so controlled by his father she had to agree. Either way, they were worried he might be gay and so pressured him to like girls. When my partner was 15 his dad introduced him to a girl which would be his first girlfriend and the girl he lost his virginity with. He had two more short relationships with girls before he met me. Again, it was through his dad we met. His dad joined the company I was working for at the time and told me all about his son and how great he was so I added him on Facebook and asked to meet up. I pursued him. We had our first date in the cinema and he took me home afterwards, no kiss goodbye just a hug. I thought he was charming to not go in for a kiss. Now I’m not exactly unattractive and I have lots of male attention when I’m out. We dated for a few months before he basically moved into my dads house with me. I lost my mum to alcoholism when I was 12 so I lived with my dad and younger brother. During our early months together my partner told me how his ex gf was more like a friend to him but he noticed she gave him lots of attention and so he just went with it and got in a relationship with her. It ended because she had to move back to Brazil. He told me how she seemed innocent but she liked anal and was quite dirty in the bedroom. I wondered why he would tell me this. He has always been quite highly sexed always initiated sex with me and says I don’t initiate enough. In the beginning I found nuts mags so I had no reason to believe he was gay. He told me he liked babestation and Rosie jones the page 3 girl. Apparently I look like her he said. Anyway, our relationship was never great. He always loved sex tho and I’ve seen here most GID never initiate sex with their wives so I am unsure. 6 years ago I got pregnant with our son and he was very worried and anxious. His hair starting thinning he has alopecia. More arguments, more making up. 3 years later our daughter was born. He treated me like shit when I was pregnant with our daughter. Once she was born he said he had PND. took one anti depressant and said he felt better. Now looking back I’ve realised he’s been depressed ever since ouR daughter was born. Blames it on not providing enough as a man.

Now to the main point of the story.
Around last October he got incredibly depressed and was always angry and hateful towards me. Sat me down one night and said he had ED and was going to order some Cialis. So he did. Now looking back I realise this is when the sex dried up. He was no longer initiating. But if he was on cialis he would’ve been horny right?  I didn’t think anymore of it. I thought our sex life was ok but that’s all I knew. I don’t have a high sex drive anyway so wasn’t too bothered.

Then in January, he out of the blue accused me of texting other men and cheating on him. Says he found a text on my phone but couldn’t find it when I asked him to show me. He also accused me of being a lesbian. Being more like a man the way I argued with him. Told me I don’t show him enough love of affection. Said he was going to kill himself and it’ll be my fault.

Fast forward to April we argued again over silly stuff, he  went to his mums. Came back a few days later and we had the best sex ever. I felt so in love he made me feel
So wanted for a couple of months and then I noticed him pulling away. On two occasions I saw him look over me to check I was sleeping, before going into th bathroom for a while with his phone. When I questioned him on this he denied it outright and accused me of being paranoid. Said he is constipated and takes awhile. Another occasion i noticed he had used baby oil while in th bathroom. I don’t know if this is relevant but I’m trying to remember details.

Anyway the great sex and loving attention from him soon dried up. A few weeks passed and he said he wanted to give up smoking and to do this he’s going to the sauna to sweat out the toxins. During all of this I had my suspicions he was having an affair whether virtual or not I didn’t know. So I starting digging. I found an Ashley Maddison account but I have no proof it’s him. The profile picture certainly looks like him even with a blurry filter. The profile is a straight man looking for a woman. At this point I had no reason to believe he’s gay but straight and looking for a discreet affair. I didn’t mention it to him. On the morning of sauna day, he got up for work and hour early while I was sleeping (to work out) and then went to work. Left work early to get to the sauna. Came home first packed bag had a shower. He seemed like a bag of nerves before he left. Anyway he went sauna, I made an Ashley Maddison account and message the account I’d found. “I know you’re cheating on me” I wrote.
When he got back from the sauna, he told me he had just been sexually assaulted by a man in the sauna. It happened like this although the story has changed a little over time. Suspicious.
Him and said man had a good “manly” chat. Seemed like a nice guy didn’t seem gay. Man offered him a massage and my partner agreed. Partner says in sauna all men go naked and he didn’t wanna look like a boy by keeping his trunks on. So he lied down on the massage bed naked. The man gave him a great massage but then proceeded to brush his dick a few times before moving near to his anus. My partner said he froze and couldn’t speak. After that he went for a swim. Then when he got home had a bath because he felt sick from th man’s hands being on him but didn’t wanna report him because they can’t do anything about it anyway. Pleaded with me not to tell anybody. Because they might think he’s gay. At this point I didn’t believe him because I thought he’d only made this story up because he knew I’d found his Ashley Maddison account. I thought he’d been with a prostitute and the sauna was a cover story. Before he got in the bath he took his bag upstairs (containing towel, trunks, sliders) was in the bathroom a while with the tap running then came downstairs and he said he wanted to throw away his trunks because he didn’t wanna be reminded of what happened at the sauna. While he was in the bath I check his trunks and they had semen in them. Just abit but it was definitely semen. I haven’t told him this bit.

Next day, I told him about the Ashley madison account. Swore he had no idea what I’m talking about. Left to go to his mums. Stayed there a few days. I thought I must have got it wrong and begged him back. He came home.

Few weeks later, I get up from my Sunday lay in, Walk into the toilet to catch him wanking to something on his phone. I wasn’t smart enough to demand to see what it was. At first he said nothing. Then he said a girl lifting her top. Then he asked “how do you know it weren’t a man?!” To then saying it was a girl on WhatsApp. Says he only does it when he’s feeling down. I was in the next room and he would prefer to wank?

He left me to go to his mums yet again. Came back a week later. Wanted to watch Jeffrey Dahmer. For those who don’t know, he’s a gay psychopath. Partner is never usually into these kind of films. Says it’s bad for his mental health. I’ve since touched on gay subjects and he got very defensive. “You think I’m gay. I’m not gay”

A few more points to mention:
He’s always been a dry kisser
Always initiated sex until the last year
Thought he was gay when he was a child
Always got on better with women
Dad is homophobic
Has narc tendencies
Has preferred anal at times with me but knows I don’t particularly like it
Says he felt weird after I was horny for 3 days and wanted him all the time
Keeps saying peoples environment can make them a certain way
Says he feels like there’s no going back with us
Been shaving pubic area
Wants to get fit
Grew a beard
“Hates” gays
He’s a gay magnet. Gays love him

Also since he came home he’s blamed me for not b img supportive enough and says there’s so much more to this but he doesnt trust me enough to tell me.

I must add aswell that there has been a lot of occasions during sex he would loose his erection then blame it on noise outside or worried the kids will hear. Sometimes I have to finish him with my hand. He also stops half way through sex to close the blinds. This has happened on many occasions aswell. When he started taking Cialis He was coming home from work full of beans like a teenager telling me “I feel like I’m 21 again!”  Then all of a sudden …. Depression again. It just doesn’t make sense. I can’t make out what’s going on. He comments on other men appearance “he must go to the gym” or “he’s a good looking guy”. There was this fit guy, a friend of a friend in our company one weekend. My partner kept making excuses to go off to the shops. It’s like he couldn’t stand to be around the fit guy. Then told me “ see I left u around that good looking guy because I trust you”

Once we were at the seaside and two hot guys pulled up in a car. Called my partner over and I asked him what they said. Apparently they asked him where the nearest nudist beach was? I can’t help thinking on this day I knew something looked different about my man. And now I’ve come to conclusion that he just looked gay. Walking around with his top off which his has never done. But this time he jus looked really gay.

In public he’s never loving. To be honest we probably look like friends when we’re out together. No spontaneous hugs or kisses. It’s always been like this.

When i met him one of his close friends later turned out to be gay. He’s never mentioned this guy since he told me he came out.

My family have said maybe he’s bi ? I have always seen him checking out women to the point it’s pissed me off  but could this be a cover?

He talks about other men and what good family men they are.

He said to me “if I left you, your life wouldn’t be totally fucker would it?”

He spends a lot of time with the guy he works with. Went to work one day after vomiting all night and spent the day in the guys caravan watching lesbian boxing or something of the sorts. Said guy doesn’t have a family of his own. Could possibly be gay. Something about this job is keeping my partner there.

Constantly moaning about how women have it easier than men. Seems to hate women lately.

When he does say he loves me it sounds fake “I love you sooo much” it’s like it’s not really coming from the heart and like he’s reading lines from a script.

Talks about how it’s not looks that matter it’s personality and that men can’t find women easily unless they are “ballin” . But why does he needs to talk about this when he’s with me anyway?

Absolute mindfu*k

After his sauna experience, he didn’t want intercourse with me because he wanted to get tested for aids and stds in case “the man had a cut on his finger and his blood entered my partners anus”
Whilst we waited for the testing kit he would use the dildo on me (it’s the one we call Him, I use it when he’s not available) does this count as cuckolding? Like could it fulfill that fantasy. He knows my morals and knows I would never have sex with another man while he watched. Sorry I’m new to all of this!
When the testing kit arrived he didn’t hurry to do it. When he finally did it the results came back negative for stds and inconclusive for aids because he didn’t provide enough blood. He didn’t bother doing the aids test again to be sure.  Since then we’ve had sex twice, crappy mechanical type sex where he can’t wait to finish. Both times he woke me in the middle of the night for sex. Then apologies the next day for waking me. Why doesn’t he want to initiate sex when I’m awake? He says because he doesn’t wanna get rejected.

When I was pregnant (both times) he didn’t wanna have sex towards the end because “he didn’t wanna hurt the baby”. Is this something common among straight men or just an excuse to not have sex with me?

I have no words to explain what I’m feeling. It’s like I have some signs to believe he’s gay but I feel it’s not enough. It’s almost that I want him to be gay so I have a reason for the messy relationship we’ve had. I’ve felt for a long time that he can’t really love me. Like really love me. All the times he’s left us for days on end, with no contact until I ask him to come back. If he really loved us how could he do that? He says since the sauna experience he’s felt broken because I didn’t support him. But I reminded him he was suicidal before that. Was that my fault too? He says yes because I don’t show him enough love. When I listened to Lilys interview and she mentioned her husbands runny nose, it resonated with me. Do we straight spouses start picking out little things we don’t like because we know deep down something is not right in our relationship. This has happened to me I went through a stage where I felt so mistreated and disrespected that every time I looked at him I felt repulsed. I feel terrible admitting that. I do love him and I wish I could take this all away. I asked him why he gives me these dry kisses and he said he’s forgotten how to kiss the way I like it. Keeps talking about how an experience or Trauma can change someone. But never mentioning the word gay. I’m worried that he’s going to hide his gayness and come out years later with the story of “the sauna experience made me gay” it’s like he’s preparing me for the story. I’m picking up on things I didn’t use to even think twice about. My mind is constantly on high alert around him. I’m looking at him like I don’t even know who he is. He’s promising me the whole dream business together he doesn’t want me to have a job he wants me to run the business. He wants me to rely on him as my man. Says I should put full trust in him. But like I said to him, how can I put trust in someone who’s telling me he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me something big that’s on his mind? How can we be a couple yet he has something he doesn’t wanna tell me, and he even feels comfortable enough to tell me that. Does he think I’m stupid? Am I stupid? Maybe too naive.

Last edited by Pinklady (January 5, 2023 3:10 am)