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- Anon2222
- Member
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Re: Adrift
I appreciate the feedback. I should clarify that it isn't the cost, stress and whatever else....it is the fact that I could lose my dog to something so bloody stupid. And I just want to make the decision that is best that won't cause her undue suffering or harm. And I am cursing the fact that it feels like it's just one thing after the other. Stupid, rare, outlandish things going wrong.
I just feel like one shouldn't have such terrible luck?
One thing I will never apologize for, or change, is how much I love and care for my pets. They are my world. I went through years of my GH making me feel guilty about everything. I won't do it anymore.
People can think I'm crazy and I'm ok with it. I also know it is not a choice that others would make and it may seem insane to spend money on vet bills like this, but I'd rather work more hours to pay it back than not do what my animals need to thrive.
I also don't have the sticker shock that I'm sure a lot of people have about vet bills, as I live in a place where vet costs are the highest in the country....so I guess I'm just used to it?
Like a dental for a cat costing up to $6,000 is not unreasonable here, for the amount of work the cat needs done. It just is what it is. As weird as that sounds.
I've had pets my whole life....but I gotta admit the ones I currently have just sort of seem to be cursed....I swear the universe says "look, she's the sucker that will pay for them....send her all the medical misfits!".
So, everything else aside....I'm just at a point in my life right now where I really don't want to have to process my dog dying. She's also a young dog, and she shouldn't be dying. Especially from some fluke non-disease. I have lost so much this past year....I just don't know if I can handle losing my dog, especially this one. It would be a devastating and soul crushing blow and right now as, mentally, I am still so fragile.
And it feels like my GH got everything he wanted. He's happy and doing his thing....and not only do I lose my entire life, now my pets are dying too.
I feel like I have to cleanse my aura or something here....cuz....all I can say to the past few months is WTF....
- Victo
- Member
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Re: Adrift
Anon, I’m sorry for what you are experiencing right now. This is the depths of pain and hurt. It is the first holiday season after he left and of course this is going to be incredibly difficult.
I hope it in no way dismisses your pain to suggest that while it seems your GIDx is happiest right now, and it is undoubtedly true that he left with giddy excitement and you were left with dread and horror, it might be you putting a grass-is-greener view on his life compared to yours.
What he has done is severe and dramatic and it would be incompatible with being human to think it is always easy for him.
That’s just it. He is making extreme choices compared to his previous life and while he undoubtedly has felt some rush of excitement, he has also undoubtedly felt a great deal of doubt and uncertainty and fear.
So… given that what he is experiencing is also human in scale, the question is: why are you spending so much time resenting his freedom? You are spending a great deal of your personal energy wrapped up in projecting a perfectly happier life for him. Regardless of whether it is true, Fuck him!!!! Forget about that guy. He was a liar and a narcissistic Fuck who never cared for you truthfully and honorably.
I’m sorry about your pet health situation. That is a drag and it is obviously going to continue to be financially troublesome for you given the number of pets you have.
I’m greatly encouraged by your dating app experiences, and I recommend continuing this path.
I have literally swiped on thousands of profiles. Thousands. I have endured dates so dull that I cannot even remember them a week later. The dating app scene is a shitshow and you can’t expect it will magically work,
However, my hope for finding a sane companionship is the one hope that keeps me going. I have come to the point where I enjoy the process of meeting incompatible people precisely because I can walk away so easily from any bad date. What I’m learning is to define my own boundaries and desires so that I never again find myself at the mercy of a narcissist GID abuser.
It is a good path for me and for my mental health and I hope to see you continue on your own good path too. Happy new year and hang in there!
Last edited by Victo (December 31, 2022 10:24 am)
- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
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Re: Adrift
Anon2222 wrote:
....And it feels like my GH got everything he wanted.... He's happy and doing his thing..
Can anybody that narcissistic and deceiving ever be truly happy?
That's a rhetorical question. I don't give an alphabet soup in what direction his life goes.
The longer you keep measuring your progress alongside his you will always be beholden to that way of thinking. He doesn't deserve your attention
Go hug a cat or dog 🙃
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Anon2222
- Member
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Re: Adrift
Thanks all. I am getting better at it, at letting go caring about his life. But it rears it's ugly head when I'm under stress still. Which is always so helpful.
My girl passed away this morning. And I'm devastated by her loss. She survived the surgery but developed complications overnight and it was just too much for her little body. I just picked out her urn. I'm trying to comfort myself with the thought that she is now running zoomies in the sky, free from all her limitations. But I feel so empty.
More grief in 2022 I guess.
- •
Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
- Member
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Re: Adrift
It's January the 1st in New Zealand. I woke early and almost immediately dove into a self-counseling session bemoaning the last ten years (10 yrs ago I should have left) and imagining where I'd be if I walked out the door today.
I read about your life, your pets, your tragedies and your dreams for a good life
...and I still think you're far stronger and in a much better place than I am.
I'm so sorry you lost a pet 😞
Elle
KIA KAHA