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- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
ex wife to be, divorce is now at the courts so it is progressing
Timeline if all goes well is
March-May her new house will be ready/built
May-July divorce hopefully will be done
tick tock
I am fully expecting the"i don't want to move out/get divorced" power play any moment (mostly thanks to you lot arming me)
what she doesnt understand is i am so far gone now i would never have her back even for the children, they have got used to the idea its happening and i only have one life
Last edited by jamieblunt (January 27, 2022 2:31 am)
- MJM017
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
jamieblunt wrote:
tick tock
I am fully expecting the"i don't want to move out/get divorced" power play any moment (mostly thanks to you lot arming me)
Good. Glad you're not planning to take this seriously.
what she doesnt understand is i am so far gone now i would never have her back even for the children, they have got used to the idea its happening and i only have one life
Definitely continue to distance yourself. As you know, it doesn't matter to you if she understands. You're going forward without her. (I think she does understand. Continue to be on close guard for ££££ emergency requests. My late GIDXH kept that up after the divorce & until he passed away. It was painful for me to realize my late GIDXH married me for material gain 😟)
You're doing well. Keep the faith and you'll finish the race soon. 👍
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
my weekend started on a high, they have found my dad a new care home, i will be taking him to it on monday, this is a massive weight off my already burdened shoulders.
I dont want to tempt fate but everything is starting to fall into place.
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Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Jamie, that's good news about your dad. and I don't want to tempt fate either but I do think things are falling into place for you too.
Just keep remembering, the time to break the cycle of abuse is in the honeymoon phase - when she is being nicey nicey say no. there will be last minute grabs for concessions and then there will be last second grabs too.
Hope things are going well on the dating front.
wishing you all the very best, Lily
- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Thanks Lily
yes i have met a really nice lady who seems interested in me and quite likes me, its a very odd feeling having someone be affection towards me, its all very innocent and new at the moment, we are both taking it very slowly but its just nice.
I am a confident person but didn't realise how damaged my psyche is, as i still don't believe that any lady would find me attractive or have any interest in me, that is what several years of a dead marriage to a closet lesbian can do to you(i am saying this out loud for me really as you guys already knew this)
goodness knows what state i would be in by now if i hadn't found you all and you armoured me to this.
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Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Thanks Jamie,
There you are locked into an abusive relationship without knowing it. It is such a shock but the shocks get more pleasant - omg I don't feel anxious in the pit of my stomach any more. omg I have got stronger really quickly, omg omg how low I had gotten being with him.
And it slowly starts to dawn - it wasn't me, my instincts are good, it really wasn't that I'm not desirable or not a good partner. If anything it says good things about me that I got picked on.
And you learn something about how vulnerable we are. There are plenty more where she came from, so that sounds really good. Yes, take your time.
You cry and you laugh - it is very much rainbow territory.
- jamieblunt
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Thought i would swing by and give an update
I am now divorced, I have an agreement that i keep my house for ten years then I have to finish off paying her equity, Ex is moved into her new home but it was 6 months late, she is still round my house quite often picking stuff up but the large furniture has gone and I have moved into what is now my master bedroom instead of living on a camp bed.
I went round and made some of her furniture she ordered new but i have refused to do any drilling into her new house or any diy.
Now i have to work on saying no when she's asked for lifts and did manage it on Boxing day when she wanted a lift into Brighton, that would have meant i could not have had any xmas "cheer" so said no but it is not in my nature not to help people,
When she has asked me about doing stuff in the house I have pointed out that she has made all these new friends and why they can help her if they are proper friends, as surely she would want to move on from me and make her house all hers, but apparently its ok to trouble me but she doesn't want to trouble them?
I offered to build her a small desktop so she could download photos etc at her house but she refused as she didn't have her furniture, so she came round last night and did it on my pc, so now i have photos of her and what looks like her new girlfriend on my pc, took me a few minutes to work out my feelings and the end result was i honestly don't care but now knowing she has someone they can do all the shit for her that I used to endure as her husband.
If i had not of found you people i dread to think what a mess i would have been, so my stop by was really to say thank you, I am not sure i can be much help on these forums as it looks like i achieved pretty much everything i started out to, (especially keeping my house for now), I do wonder if i had not have found this forum if i would have caved and basically become another casualty of trying to do the right thing when my other half did not not really care about my outcome, it was this place that lined me up to the thought of why should i give up the life i had because my self centred ex wife wanted a new life but to keep all the trimmings, if you lovelies had not warned/armoured me to the type of behaviour i probably would have thought i was doing the right thing by moving out and giving up.
so its a "i cant pay you back" thanks from me for being there for a total stranger when he was in his darkest hour.
MWAH to you all
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Thread Starter- gwendolyn_C
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Re: Probably sounds familiar
Jamieblunt - congratulations on making it to your next chapter of life! It's good to have boundaries as she should understand that every action has a reaction. It's not your role to be her handyman. Thanks for giving us an update.