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    December 26, 2022 11:35 pm  #11

    Crystal_H
    Member

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    Re: I don't know what to do

    Rob wrote:

    12,

    I can see now why I was always not unhappy but felt like I could never do enough to make her happy.
    .

    Rob, this is so true and reading this sentence you wrote really spoke to me and it’s truth. Looking back now it was like stepping on egg shells just to please. I didn’t realize how much I did this either until reading it here.

     

    December 27, 2022 4:18 pm  #12

    Rob
    Member

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    Re: I don't know what to do

    12,

    Yes it is can be overwhelming..a massive wall of worry and betrayal.

    As Darly said you don't have to do anything right away.

    I practiced this a lot.. what I did was stick to my routines..work, the same thing for breakfast,  the same schedule etc.  Extreme radical stoicism to my routine..  I found this grounded me and at least let me control something in my life.  It also offers privacy and secrecy...not something we're used to but these spouses kept secrets from us their entire lives...

    I then took small baby steps..a little at a time.  For exampe I opened a bank account..just to have ..as a concrete positive step. Yes I cried the whole time with people looking at me in the bank.. but I did it.    If I had to save a dollar a day for 100 years I was not going to stay being a gay cheater's babysitter forever..

    Routines, small baby steps, discretion.  The mills of God grind slowly but they grind exceedingly small.

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

     

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