True welcome to our Forum. My comments are in red

True wrote:

.....My problem ( Well one of many ) though my husband is in the closet with that door shut & locked.  I’ve struggled to come to terms with it, Now that I have & started searching for answers I found this forum ( it’s a Godsend I did ) and has helped so much but I’m struggling in that I can’t be openly transparent in letting him know Im now involved in this forum feeling I’m being dishonest with him.  ( though he’s been dishonest with me for years ) I want to protect his secret double life. I know this sounds so crazy but you get it. 
Sure I get it. I'm 64, my partner and I have been together 38 years. He's bi. We are no longer intimate. I'm not leaving yet, I still have too much invested in this and I won't lose out. Again. But one thing I  can tell you...the apprehension and indecision gnawing at you that your being dishonest is what's stopping you from pulling yourself through this. You owe him nothing, at least as far as what you have to do to figure out what direction you should be going. 
When I first joined the boards and mentioned to the Forum that I told my partner I'd found this site there was an almost audible online gasp  of horror and mistrust that I had betrayed someone (or something...a golden rule?) I can look back now and laugh but if I'd taken the backlash to heart I might have deleted and never returned. But I didn't because I knew there is no other site exactly like this. Well it's a bit like this with our gay/bi partners. This is our journey, this is where we need to be, just because we think we're betraying some true, loving r'ship (that our partners have already betrayed)...does not make it true. As long as you feel beholden to tell your man everything he'll keep you in his grasp. 

 I literally have no one else I can talk to & being a Straight Spouse none of my friends or family would ever understand nor would I ever “ Out My Husband “ I’ve hid the truth, from everyone, even myself hoping it would go away, this doesn’t go away. So I need this forum & support for my own well being, not quite sure how I should feel?. 
You've come to the right place Yeah that not 'outing' our partners to others is what keeps us silent because if we did that the shit would hit the fan and not only spray them but us, our families, our friends.....and who knows what would happen! Armageddon?
But as for hiding the truth...nope you can't do that. It'll eat you up inside then spit you out and not give a damn. There is somebody close to you who you can trust, who won't betray your confidence...a family member, a good friend? *the first person I told was my oldest friend who lives in the US (I'm in New Zealand) and that compassionate distance between us  allowed me to start the conversation and not feel like she was going to come bursting through my door shouting "rip off that band aid...leave him!" She still said all that but it was easier to respond/reply to it by email...lol
Support is of the utmost importance True. You don't get through this alone. 

 Your heartfelt support & comment’s are appreciated.  
Thank You 
True💟

We're here. We hear you. This is not a sprint....it's the hardest marathon you'll ever run. You'll come out of it stronger and wiser

Elle
 

True wrote:

 

 I literally have no one else I can talk to & being a Straight Spouse none of my friends or family would ever understand nor would I ever “ Out My Husband “ I’ve hid the truth, from everyone, even myself hoping it would go away, this doesn’t go away. So I need this forum & support for my own well being, not quite sure how I should feel?.

True💟

You are thinking more about him than yourself. When i started this journey i was in doubt thinking about him alone for years. For a change why not think about yourself. What do you need? How you need a better and happier life? DO you need new friends or find new hobbies while you navigate and till you get sure of what you what. 

All the best.