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December 10, 2022 3:06 pm  #1

My Journey

This is my journey.
I Married my High School sweetheart back in 1977, We have two adult children.  At first our marriage was beautiful & life was great’ just starting out with only two nickels to rub together but we had love ❤️ and that’s all we needed to embrace our life journey together.  Sex was great on his receiving side, not so much for me he was quick to finish not really concerned on pleasing me. I didn’t know any better mainly because we were both virgins & all I thought was most important to please him, put my own needs & desires fell at the wayside.  We welcome in our first child & sex was beginning to slow down’ I’m a new mama and our lives have changed & it’s all about our child, hubby is working hard to make ends meet & life continues as we welcome in our second child & by now we’ve settled into our lives parenting by this time’ or rather Ive settled into parenting, Hubs is becoming more distanced & detached of course we both blame it on him working hard to support our family as I’m a stay at home mom. As the years go bye our sex life has almost disappeared & when we did engage he was always quickly satisfied as I was left very unsatisfied, my need’s didn’t matter even if I mentioned my wants & desires.  

As the years had passed bye I started noticing small things that made me think 💭 ( is my husband gay ?) those small thinks things turned into big red flags 🚩 to the point of years later… 44 yrs to be exact I’m without a doubt my husband is gay, as I set here writing my life story. 

For years I’ve suppressed his truth! hoping I was wrong in my feelings which I can no longer deni, finding myself in so many MindFuck games, I’m beyond lost, heartbroken, saddened, confused, with the feeling of WTH 🤦🏻‍♀️ facing my truth.
 I’ve lost a part of myself I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to recover from or get back?.  His Mindfuck’ Gaslighting’ Narcissistic Emotional & Physical Abuse over the years is hard to comprehend & only truly understood by those of us that have lived through it. 

I’m stuck between a rock & hard place, because he’s the sole breadwinner it’s not easy to walk away financially  & Hubby would never openly confess he’s gay’ he’ll keep living his double life, pretending to be someone he’s not. It’s next to impossible to continue living his lie & reaching the point of I can’t continue.  God only knows how many men he’s been with over the years! Only thing that I can count my blessings for, is we haven’t had sex in many many years ( his choice ) I’m safe to say I haven’t caught a STD from him & he hasn’t as far as I know.  

I know I’ve only scratched the surface on my story’ theirs so much more that’s transpired over our lifespan, but thought I’d leave my story as it is & share in other forums, when different stories are shared.

I’m beyond grateful to have found this forum, feeling like there’s a glimmer of light and hope knowing I’m not alone.  
Thank you 
True 💟

Last edited by True (December 10, 2022 3:21 pm)

"There is nothing more deceptive than the obvious truth"
True ❤️.

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