I admit, I'm terrified of the whole thing. But I've decided to just see what happens. And I have ridiculously high standards and put exactly what I want all on there. I will probably scare pretty much everyone away...and I don't even care. I'm not settling. I know what I'm looking for and I don't need a man in my life, so no point putting up with crap. If there's someone out there for me, I guess they'll come along when the time is right.

Although what I do worry about is figuring out if a person is actually honest, open and not secretly screwing you over....

So, I was chatting with my mom and brought up that I decided to join an online dating site, just to see what's out there. Didn't realize I was on speaker phone. And then got to listen to my dad go off about how "it's too soon", "you don't need to date", "you're not ready" on and on.....basically highlighting a dozen times that it's way too soon to even be thinking about this.

Honestly. People don't get it.

For the past years of my marriage I have felt like an androgenous, unattractive blob. My gay husband didn't look at me with any desire. I would dress up, do my hair, makeup, the whole nine yards for a date night....and he would do this off hand "you look nice". I just wanted to scream that I don't want to look nice!!!! I want to look amazing, sexy, like you can't wait to get your hands on me, that you want to show me off and that you desire me.

I want to feel like a woman. Honestly, I became disgusted with myself. I felt like the ugliest person on the planet. And I became very depressed. I ate my emotions and gained weight. Which just made me hate myself even more.

Right now I don't care if I find a man. Right now I just want to have some fun and meet people. And if anything comes of it, great, if not, great.

I grew up in a strict, religious home. I never really dated. I met my gay husband (who ironically was raised with no religion, restrictions, and very open parents). And I refuse to feel bad or guilty for talking to other men or going out for a coffee.

I feel like I've done my time. And no one gets it.

Good for you! I too, date online. I've met some really wonderful women this way. I am honest with them about my divorce progress in my profile, I value honesty and am looking for friendship first and if it grows from there, great! Good luck to you! 

Anon2222,
I’m right there with you! I was deeply in Purity Culture as a very strict Christian kid/teen. I never dated. I kissed it goodbye! Lol

I’m now starting to date, as my stbx drags the divorce out. I never had attraction or romance or dating - I had a bad arranged marriage and then basically the worst, meanest roommate ever. I can’t believe how wonderful it is to go on a date and feel like a real grown up person who has hope for a real relationship! I’ve followed Dr Henry Cloud’s dating research a lot, to counteract the old religious programming.

A month ago I met a guy who’s very kind and fun to talk to. I’ve seen him a few times now, and started wondering if this is really going to turn into something serious. If 23-yr-old me had felt the attraction and seen how he treats me, I never would have complied with the empty marriage! This is healing my heart, though, as I get romance and compliments and all that good stuff. I highly recommend dating to help your heart heal as long as you enjoy it and aren’t triggered by past abuse by it.