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December 1, 2022 7:34 am  #1

Wanting to be supportive but so lost...

When we first got together my husband told me he was bi.
He said that he didn't need to sleep with men and that playing with the dildo/strap on would keep him completely happy to that end.

Over time I noticed he was less and less interested in having sex with me and wants to play with the toy more and more. I needed the physical connection. I would beg and cry for him to want me, and feel terrible about myself.

It's been 10 years now and  I have come to terms with the fact that he's more interested in men than women. He says hes still interested in women but he doesn't touch me. He only watches gay porn.  He only touches himself when he is turned on.   When I get out the toy to make him happy, he blames me for offering it and saying that's why he wanted that, because I offered it to avoid rejection. 

I feel bad about myself.  I feel undesirable. I have asked him if we should stay married and he could go out and be with other people and I could do the same. He went out for a while and was not safe, so I told him I didnt want to sleep with him while he was sleeping with someone else.

He became super jealous and angry at the thought of me finding someone and started checking all of my things and going through my phone.   It was impossible to live that way. He still goes through all my stuff and all my things and I don't know what to do. I want to support him.  I wish that he wanted me and that we could still have a normal sex life. 

He says that's what he wants, but all of his actions show otherwise.  He gets on gay chat rooms.  He won't seek therapy even though I've begged him to.  He gets angry at me and says it's not all his fault.  I just want to help him figure out what he wants but he blames me instead. 

I came here looking for help or at lest to feel less alone.

Last edited by Womanlost (December 1, 2022 7:38 am)


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