Anon,

I can relate ..im kind, empathetic  and calm.. I can see now why these narcisstic spouses latch on to us.

If I look back at my entire marriage so many times I should have gotten angry and stood up for myself.

Still I tried to be kind going through my divorce ..I did not want to become like her.  I said one simple word..no..and the anger and rage I received was like I was an axe murderer...  the real reality was I was finally standing up to the immorality of what she was doing and she could not comprehend it...  ie..you mean you won't do what I say like a loyal husband anymore?  So out of character for us but necessary.


On the hate..I try to give to God.   Someday it's hard and I simply try to thank God for getting me away from her.  If I dwell on all the hurt and damage she caused ..its boundless and can eat one upwith anger. I hope she is happy so she leaves me alone...because one thing I know as sure as the sun rises when she is unhappy in any way she will find someway to hurt.  This I know as a law of physics. The hurt they cause gets spewed in all directions ...the kids, us, family, the mailman..  we can only get far away and try to find kind normal  people like ourselves.

Anon, I can relate too. I hope my sorry excuse of a husband dies and rots in hell. It shocked me to find out I'm capable of such feelings. And the hatred is too strong to just let go.

Right now I understand that the anger and hatred are both very important in these difficult times. I see them as friends who fight for me even when no one else does. I won't let them control my actions, but I will listen to what they have to say. And maybe one day I won't need them anymore.

It helps when I express the hatred in some way. I punch one of my husband's t-shirts and swear. Boxing bag would also be nice but I don't have any place to store it.

Just this week I was thinking that maybe every person has some hatred inside, without knowing about it. They are not any better... they just never got into such horrible mindfuck as we did.

I wish you strength in this roller-coaster ride.

I didn't hate at first.Wanted back the illusion I had and hate didn't factor into that.
Now 12 years removed and wanting to retire I do hate.
All those years I spent working in trenches and up on ladders and steel, freezing temperatures and high heat,to earn a pension and to now have to share it with her and her wife as well as my wife is a gut punch.
I did what I was supposed to do. Go to work and earn it. She took half without batting an eye, like she earned it. She didn't.
Anger, hate, frustration. I have it all.
 

Last edited by Clif (November 25, 2022 4:13 pm)

During covid my gay husband was off of work for 11 months. I worked every day. I used my retirement savings to support us. 

This past year I worked an insane amount of hours to save up again. Finally breathing a little easier and the plan was for me to cut my hours back in the fall.

Gay husband worked contract for years. All that time I had the consistent income. The benefits. Etc.

2 months before he made his little announcement he got a phenomenal job (and believe me I worked my ass off for this too). Salary. No more hourly pay with no guaranteed hours. Amazing benefits. Bonuses. Perks. Everything.

I finally thought we had made it in this world. We finally had some money, security, could breathe a little easier. And finally there would be the money to do something fun, like take a vacation. The world was my oyster. I felt my stress level finally dip after all the covid BS.

Then he announces he's gay and walks out. Uses our joint savings to get an apartment and cover moving expenses. Poof. Gone.

I was left with $1000, an empty retirement account and a loan in my name that we took to cover him being off work. Woo. 

Basically I got all the hard years of a marriage and now miss out on all the perks. 

So. I work 6 days a week (the odd 7). And I am just scraping by. Slowly trying to build up something that looks like an emergency account....that the dog drained because she needed emergency surgery. I'm basically at about the same point I was as when I was a broke student.

I thank my lucky stars every day that I made sure to educate myself and have a good job. I have no idea what I would do if I didn't. I can see how so many women get screwed over in this....

So, the depression is bad. And I realized just how much I hate him and everything he has done. Adulting is so much fun *eye roll*