Shirley - I completely agree that this forum should not evolve into a "poor me" gay parade.  Unquestionably, the Straight Spouse Network's purpose is to support straight spouses.

When I first found this forum five years ago, it took me several months to understand my appropriate role here as a gay spouse.  I now follow a few self-imposed rules -

1. I try to wait at least a full day before responding to a new thread.  I think it's very important that the first several replies come from straight spouses and not a gay one. 
2. I try to only post new and relevant information.  If a straight spouse can say something I can, there's no need for me to say anything.
3. I try to stick to subjects I know first-hand, especially the "Is he gay?" question and the pros vs. cons of staying in a MOM.
4. I respond when someone directly asks me a question.

I know some people don't like this new message board, but I think the change has enabled the regulars to really shine.  In my opinion, the quality and thoughtfulness of the posts are the best they've ever been.  As a result, I find there's less I can usefully add.  Although I check in almost every day, I'm happy to lurk and mostly not post.

And why do I like to lurk?  To continue my own education.

Because I participate in other forums, both in person and on-line, I encounter "bi-curious" men all the time.  These men are so stuck in their own narrow worlds that they have no genuine understanding of how their hidden sexuality affects others.  If I wasn't there to push, prod, question and advocate, they'd rely on similar "curious" men to direct them.  I think I add a great deal of value to those conversations --- but only because I spend so much time lurking, reading and learning here.

This *is* your forum, Shirley.  So I respectfully ask for your permission to continue to chime in from time to time, subject to the restrictions I have outlined above.  Will that work for you?

Cameron wrote:

Because I participate in other forums, both in person and on-line, I encounter "bi-curious" men all the time.  These men are so stuck in their own narrow worlds that they have no genuine understanding of how their hidden sexuality affects others.  If I wasn't there to push, prod, question and advocate, they'd rely on similar "curious" men to direct them.  I think I add a great deal of value to those conversations --- but only because I spend so much time lurking, reading and learning here.

I feel the same.  A bunch of "curious" bi and "str8" men with wives and girlfriends... So many of those guys are guiding each other online on how to live on the "DL."  Creating a DL culture.  They're not thinking about the women or the broader picture.  Reading this forum helps me talk to those guys.

Thank you Sean for your answer, it gives me some clarity and some food for thought. 

Séan wrote:

In response to JK, I've felt nothing but welcome here and I respect all opinions. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable so perhaps we can correspond off the boards via email or perhaps via another forum? Just an idea. 

Yes.  I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable either.  I offered to stop posting on the board a few days ago, but then so many asked me to stay.  As a result of all that support, I feel very welcomed here as well.

But, I really don't want to trigger people who are suffering.  I wonder if, when we post, we should put like a "Trigger Warning" at the top.  "Trigger Warning: Gay Male Perspective," or something like that.

Curious about people's thoughts?


 

Last edited by Jeff W (November 4, 2016 8:05 pm)

If we can keep the drama to a minimum and the support to a maximum it's all good.

People who don't see eye to eye should simply try to ignore each other.

As Jesus said "Just be cool"