OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 of 1- Mechel
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So he came out
My partner of 15 years told me he was gay yesterday. He has always told me he is bi sexual. He says he loves me, and sex is amazing and fulfilling and he wants to stay with me 😞 We have had an open relationship for many years. He has found a guy who he clicks with. Who has been amazing for him in a lot of ways. He says that having this relationship has made him see that I fulfil most of his needs, 75%, and now he getting the rest meet threw the guy. My biggest question to him is can the guy fulfill all his needs 😞 He says he hasn't thought about that, that the idea of not having me in his life is terrifying. I'm at a impass because we have six beautiful children, and I want them to grow up embracing who they are, I'm worried that my partner isn't. That he clinging to "normal" life with me. I know we will always be part of each other's world because of the kids and the relationship we have. 😔 what to do. I want happiness for both of us. And fulfilment.
- Kel
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Re: So he came out
I'm so sorry you're going through this. How horrific. You're in the right place for support, though.
I guess my question would be why him getting ANY fulfillment outside your marriage would be okay with you? And what happens if the tables turned and he started getting 75% from someone else, and 25% through you? Would that be enough for you? How much of him are you willing to give away and have it still be worth it? And how is any of this a good example of what you want for your kids to expect from their own relationships someday?
Your partner can only cling to the normal life he has with you if you give him that option. Why are you just taking whatever he doles out? How is this in any way being in charge of your own life? You're not a rag doll - you don't have to take it if you're being treated like one. You may wish that you had him 100%, but what you're going through right now isn't getting you any closer to that. It's actually showing him that he can give you less and less, and it'll still be more than you're willing to live without. Why IS that?
If you get away from him, you're not guaranteed that you'll ever find or have true love. But if you stay with him, you can guarantee that you for sure won't. You have a better chance of finding love by leaving than you do by staying. Even if you choose to never have another relationship again, you wouldn't have to deal with the daily rejection you likely do now. Stop being held hostage by what HE wants. You are stronger than you think.
I wish you the best -
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Mechel
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Re: So he came out
I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I don't feel rejected at all. I know he loves me deeply, and I him. I believe mutiple people feed our fulfilment, not just our spouses. I guess my deepest worry is he is staying to make me happy, but truthfully my life will keep going if he leaves. I'm happy to share him, always have.
I guess I'm staying because I do truely love him, and I'm trusting him that he means what he says. I guess I'll see how we go. Maybe I should not worry about labels and just be. Let life flow, and following my ❤️. Is anyone here in the relationship still?
Last edited by Mechel (November 4, 2016 4:19 pm)
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Thread Starter- Mechel
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Re: So he came out
I think it's think out loud 🙂 Im not sure what I'm asking yet. It's so new.
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Thread Starter- vicky
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Re: So he came out
Welcome
I'm new to this and my partner is not as open as yours. He's in the closet to everyone including himself you can read my story in the bio. There's not a lot of people on this forum in a mixed orientation marriage (MOM). I have been thinking the same thought a lot lately that he is in this straight marriage and is it enough for either of us. I don't think there is an answer to this. I am very happy in terms of our life together and companionship and the sex is great sometimes then we go through a dry spell because he simply doesn't seem interested. I can't help but wonder during these dry spells what he is thinking. I know he wants to act on his SSA.
Anyway welcome to the forum.
Vicky
- Rob
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Re: So he came out
I guess I was not willing to share my lezex. But it goes beyond that...she treated me so badly..it was demeaning...it was the abuse I was getting away from more than the gay.
Best wishes on your journey...if I had 6 kids at home I don't know where I'd find time on the side for another lover.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7