So recently, I had my daughter for my parental custody time.  During my visit, when I took my daughter on a quick weekend trip, I learned that my ex had been tracking my daughter’s phone.  Essentially, my ex had been tracking me and my daughter all summer.

So I turned off the tracking.  I never agreed to such measures - and I doubt that any court would say she has the right to surreptitiously track me and my daughter during my parental custody time.

Nevertheless, I heard from my ex in no uncertain terms that she felt that i was completely in the wrong to turn off the tracker in this way and that I should have sought permission for the weekend trip in the first place.

This is how things have always been.  This is what it has been like dealing with my ex.  She goes waaaay over the line and then attacks me when I push back.

Victo,

Wanted to reply again as I have an ex.

Definitely you are in the right to turn off the tracker for you. What part of the word divorced doesn't she understand?  She forfeited all rights to track you..this you know.  Tracking your kid maybe she has a right but it should not be any secret if you take your kid for a vacation on your time.
   
It sounds like she needs to learn ..it took some time for my ex.   For example
..text about the kids..I give her a reasonably timed reply.  Text/crazy rant about what she expects from me..crickets.

Divorced/separated I feel we are all like James Delaney from the TV series "taboo".   We need to keep our enemies close ..we need to know them well.. we need to have some use for them..ie to help with the kids. Because we and our kids will always have them around...

Victo

Your ex is starting to take the cake of the narcissist exs we have.  Feel for you..

If anything she is consistent and you know she will always suck.

I guess I would have tried to hide the fact I was upset and had it out with her later.   What I usually do is judge what is worth losing my peace over with my GX.


Just keep at it with your kids..be consistent and steadfast. As they get older they will realize the things their mother does.. I think mine have realized by now what I am all about..when they need someone to listen they don't call their mother..that I know.

Sam (Admin) wrote:

Victo wrote:

I wish I could say that I was a perfect husband. I wasn’t. I certainly started out being genuinely loving and forgiving and understanding but after being gaslit and manipulated for 15 years, I began to mirror my ex in her behavior.

And that’s just it. She literally took everything from me. My family, my career, and my sense of my own character.

I rarely post anymore about my own situation as I divorced 20 years ago and remarried 8 years ago. However, that does bring back memories. I spent 15 years of a 20 year marriage trying to be a "good husband" and always failing in my X's opinion. She did her best to isolate me and my kids from my family. She was constantly trying to get me to change careers because she resented that I actually liked my career and was good at it. She actually resented that I got pleasure out of anything and figuratively tried to suck all the joy out of my life. She wanted me to be whatever I was not. I actually tried for a while hoping she would be happy but she never was. For the last 5 years I turned off. I was dad to my kids and breadwinner for her and aside from that retreated into a shell. When she came out, part of me was actually relieved. I realized I had a "get out of jail free" card. Part co-dependent.... faced with an unknown future and afraid. Turns out I was able to learn to be happy and enjoy life again, although it took a while. 

I can relate to that so much... the idea that me enjoying my life, my career, my family, was somewhow always annoying to her... I was never able to put my head around it. But it all made sense. When someone hates herself, even in denial, they can't understand how other people can enjoy their own life.