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September 25, 2022 12:30 am  #1

Lost the lust for life

Hey folks

I'm a pretty big introvert, but when i met my wife 10 years ago i felt like i had found my soulmate, she made me feel like i belonged in the world and we were so perfectly matched. The 10 years following we did EVERYTHING together, ran a business together, shared hobbies, went on walks, never argued and never got sick of each other even during the harder times, if anything we only got closer and i cherish every moment we had together.

When COVID hit we had to close our business and sell our house, then this year we moved overseas, soon after she would meet a lady friend and would go on to realise she is a repressed lesbian. I love my partner more than anything in the world and i want her to be happy, so much so that i feel like i have to hide just how much this hurts me.

That brings us to now, about 4 months later, she spends a couple nights of the week with me and on the days between i try to escape the pain through medication, games, music, and tv. People tell me it will get better but i can't help but feel like they don't understand, like i will never get past this, even if i could build the strength to leave the house and find another, the chances of meeting someone as perfect is just impossibly small.

I've been working hard to feel better, i'm seeing a psychiatrist, appropriately medicating, working out daily and eating well but still I feel like i have seen all of life that i care to see. I just can't relate to anyone else the same way, not even my family. I won't kill myself because i know what that will do to the ones i love so instead i'm just this pathetic lump without purpose or motivation.

I realise there isn't much a person can say to someone in such a situation but it's a small comfort to be able to get this off my chest amongst people who can relate, so thank you sincerely for reading.


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