Hi A2, I can relate to your anguish. Reading your post, the details of the day my now ex moved out are right there for me. I left the house while he ransacked it—at least that’s how it felt to me. When I came home and there were holes in the family home from where he’d taken items, all I could feel was relief. I took a bath and put on some music and cried. Then I set up a kids’ bed from the attic because he took our bed with him. I slept knowing my life would never be the same nor maybe anything like I’d imagined. To me, there was nothing more lonely I had experienced than living with someone who didn’t truly “love, honor and cherish” me, as our wedding vows said. Nothing lonelier than living with someone who was a stranger after 26 years of marriage. So much deprivation. Have you ever heard the phrase “chop wood, carry water?” When I got really overwhelmed, and I did, I would do the next indicated thing, like eat something, pay the bills, walk the dog, change the light bulb, go to work, sleep. Day by day, hour by hour. And I felt free.  I learned to love my own company and inch by inch step by step hour by hour I felt a peace, a form of happiness because my life was so busy, yes, but also full, so abundant. For me, staying together would have been like being buried while I’m still alive. Can’t think of anything worse. You have a choice—you will find a way to survive and then a way to thrive. You deserve that. Keep faith in yourself. And keep moving forward.

As I continue to drag myself through the longest week ever....I find myself pondering so many things of the marriage.

He was the worst gift giver. I used to think maybe he was just bad at it, but now I wonder if he ever really cared? For his last birthday (which happened to be a couple weeks before he came out)....I bought surprise tickets for Penn & Teller (as he's always wanted to see them). They were visiting the city for one night. I got them months in advance. Did a fancy dinner. And got him a $1000 collectors lego set (he collects the Star Wars lego, and if anyone is familiar they are incredibly hard to come back and expensive for the big pieces). 

My birthday....I got a kobo. Nice enough, but this is the 3rd or 4th kobo he had bought me at that point. It just seemed like he would get the new one every year or two as a gift. Nothing else. What I asked for was a litter locker (he said it was too much to pay for a litter box....they are $800 and it's ridiculous). When it came down to it, I actually didn't care what he thought about it, it was what I wanted and yes we could have afforded it. I'm not saying it's all the monetary value....just pointing out that luxury items are fine for him, but for me apparently it's too much. Found out later it's because he doesn't like the pets and thinks they're a waste of money.

He is obsessed with lego. I have searched high and low for different sets as gifts, and gone all out crazy some years with surprises at Christmas. I do not like lego. On multiple occasions he has bought me lego sets as gifts. I remember the one Christmas (I love Christmas and was just in the mood for a surprise...guess I had my hopes up) I opened my gift all excited...and it was a lego set. A gingerbread house. Cute and all....but I don't like lego. I don't find it fun to put together. It's not my thing. I just remember feeling really hurt....like he couldn't pick out something I would actually enjoy?

I have also asked many times throughout the marriage for a nice, extravagant piece of jewelry. Again, it's not the cost part (I never wanted him to go spend thousands, or be broke or whatever). But I wanted a really nice necklace that symbolized our marriage. My job doesn't let me wear rings, so I never got to wear my wedding ring. So I wanted a nice necklace that I could wear that indicated that I was married.

One Valentines Day he gave me a necklace. I'm assuming the cheapest thing you could buy. After a month it was already tarnished and looked horrible and the clasp broke. And I think to myself, that was it? I wasn't worth one bloody nice piece of jewelry that I planned to wear everyday? 

Just once, couldn't I be the one surprised? The one that got the thoughtful gift? The one that someone else goes to great lengths to make an awesome day?

I did decide that I'm buying myself a litter robot as my gift for Christmas, lol