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August 6, 2022 2:42 pm  #31


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

Victo wrote:

Sex was a huge part of our life together too. I had a healthy libido. It was great. But I'm a woman, you're a man, and we approach this differently. I'm willing to give up that physical enjoyment because my heart told me it was the wisest thing to do for me. But it seems like you're lead by your head and your maleness (and with those two things....more than a little bit of anger/aggression?) and they're all telling you damn it!... this isn't/wasn't fair and that you have to stay angry about it because......why do you have to stay angry Victo?

I concluded that being angry....about all this....would only hurt me, only be a detriment to my recovery and it was far easier to live my life and make decisions without the thought of the person and what he'd done to tilt my whole future impacting it. Do you meditate.....do any calming exercise....have a men's support group you could join?

What were you like as a man before all this Victo? Did she have this much power over who you were back then as she does now?

Elle
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

August 6, 2022 3:04 pm  #32


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

fascinating how far back the lies go, mummy mummy where do babies come from - the stork brings them, from under the cabbage patch.

why so many lies, romantic love, family love - sexuality is at the heart of our existence.

falling in love with a real man after a lifetime married to a real bitch put me into rainbow country - it was overwhelming.  the real thing, laughter and tears, sunshine and rain - hugely atmospheric.



 

Last edited by lily (August 6, 2022 3:22 pm)

 

August 6, 2022 5:09 pm  #33


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

again Elle, I have a different take on the anger thing - it all comes down to the person, and many of us have said that feeling angry gave us the strength and energy to save ourselves.  Certainly that was my experience - feeling a good clean rightful anger can be challenging but it is creative and can really help.

And anyway, what you're feeling is what you're feeling - it's what you've got on your plate.  Meditating to in effect disassociate from your own true feelings is not a long term solution, it is a useful tool in the short term for sure.  But over the long haul it is to lose touch with yourself, isn't it?  Certainly, that was my experience.

 

August 6, 2022 6:48 pm  #34


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

lily wrote:

.....  Meditating to in effect disassociate from your own true feelings is not a long term solution, it is a useful tool in the short term for sure.  But over the long haul it is to lose touch with yourself, isn't it?  Certainly, that was my experience.

I don't see meditating as disassociating oneself from true feelings, I see it as calming my mind to help me see and work  through any unwanted turmoil.
And yes it may be a short term thing...as a  stepping stone to greater awareness of oneself


 


KIA KAHA                       
 

August 6, 2022 8:25 pm  #35


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

I’m angry because I gave my best self to a malignant narcissist who made my very best self feel completely worthless in order to temporarily salve her own broken soul.

I’m faced with the fact that women only want me for what they can TAKE from me. 

And in all the dating I have done, this fact isn’t changing.

So… inner peace?  Isn’t that just another kind of masturbation?  A self service? 

I’m not seeking inner calm.  I want the relationship I tried to build.  I want sex snd intimacy and possibly more kids - this time in a loving family.

None of that is happening.  Am I angry as a result?  Or is my anger the cause?  This is the only place I feellike I can even begin to express my anger, so from my pov, the anger is a result of being used and abused by women for so long.

 

August 7, 2022 6:47 am  #36


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

When I found out that my ex boyfriend was gay, I felt shock, hurt, and yes anger. I think anger is an emotion most of us have felt when we found out. I promise you that you will feel less and less anger. I am holding a good thought for you.

 

August 7, 2022 6:49 am  #37


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

When I found out that my ex boyfriend was gay, I felt shock, hurt, and yes anger. I think anger is an emotion most of us have felt when we found out. I promise you that you will feel less and less anger. I am holding a good thought for you.

 

August 7, 2022 5:58 pm  #38


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

The trouble is the GID male and female is at an advantage - no blinded by love for them, they can be discerning in whom they pick.

You tend to find the nicest men and women are caught in the worst marriages - married to people who deliberately picked them for what they could take from them.

We come crawling out of these marriages only to discover the line up is the same - there was this one guy, I already knew he was gay, I thought we were striking up a friendship rather than having any thought of dating - and I had just been telling him how awful it was being married to a gay man when he asked me out.  I think you'd do better to find a boyfriend, I replied - sheepish grin of acknowledgement but no shame.  So, so much for friendship, that was the last I saw of him and I was not sorry about that. 

At 67, still affected by falling in love and losing him in almost one breath, what's ahead of me now is not so much dating as to plan for my old age.

 

Last edited by lily (August 7, 2022 6:03 pm)

 

August 7, 2022 6:03 pm  #39


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

Lily-  Your experience scares me to my core.  The idea that there are more GID narcissist monsters out there… who can even listen to your experience and simply view you as another target -  it shakes me.

 

August 7, 2022 6:04 pm  #40


Re: The new "4" letter word....Sex

thanks Victo, it is scary but they are commonplace.

 

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