I live in Vermont and was part of a very controlling, dysfunctional church since age 15, now I’m 42 and left it two years ago. This spring people heard that my ex moved out and that he’s gay. I tried slowly to reach out to people who have been close friends for many years. Some were peers, some older people I always looked up to and used to get help during hard times. All ignored me. I kept trying another person after waiting a few days or more for the last one to reply.

Today the formerly closest friend walked into a store when I was standing right there at the register. She looked right at me. No way to ignore me! I smiled really big and felt so excited as I waved - I kept hoping lately that if she saw me somewhere we’d reconnect. Maybe she’d realize I’m still the nice person she’s known for a decade. Nope. She smiled and quickly ran to the back of the store. I went over to see if she was nearby as I left, because in old days we always waited to talk in that situation. She was gone.

At a parade on the 4th, we stood with my family and lots of old church friends. Everyone except my sisters ignored me and my ex. It’s like we’re lepers. They acted really nervous and jittery. One sister is divorced for 2 years now, and got TONS of wonderful support from these same people for the year of hardship after her ex left for another woman. They still love her, so why am I being shunned? She has no kids, but here I am now raising 5 kids alone full time. I’ve told people that, and how hard it is.

I’m so hurt. So bewildered. I led so many prayer teams and all the care services at that church for 16 years. I helped these same people through very hard times. But I’ve heard they feel betrayed by me and my ex, they see us as wolves in sheeps clothing who invaded their community. Even though I’ve told them in my ignored messages that I had no idea he was gay and I’m so hurt that he tricked me. They don’t see me as a victim. It’s more than I can take, the hardest part of this season.