I totally understand! Hate is not a strong enough word for me.

I have PRAYED I wish mine was dead! Even though I saved “Him” from suicide by listening to fake cries and tears after the divorce and when I had to invoke the divorce decree and told “Him” he was in contempt of court. I even reached out to his mom after she treated me with such disrespect. Introspect I wish I didn’t help him off the ledge. His family will feel the hurt like I did.

My hate has lessened and comes in waves. I will NEVER forgive “him” or his family and even friends for how I was and continue to be treated.

And if I hear about forgiveness is about you not about them. Honestly I will slap someone if I hear that again.

I will only forgive myself for ALLOWING him to fool me all these years. But I wasn’t fooled because I didn’t see it but because he was so convincing of a loving relationship with his best friend.

I understand how you feel and I hope in time you can focus on healing. It’s tough and super hard. Allow yourself to be upset but don’t still in it.

Take your time but don’t waste your time. You know she’s not!

Be well!

Victo,
So sorry ...   I strongly feel these ex's were narcissist before they were gay etc.    The one little thing was not to her advantage so she did not do it.   We trusted them completely and it turns out they just weren't "all in" like we were.    Their hidden secret gave them the ability to not give us 100% like we gave..

Divorced, separated and even living a planet away from them...they are the gift that keeps on giving.     I found my GXs selfishness and ability to inflict hurt was boundless.   I fear her more than I hate her.

Try to find some outlet for your anger...  exercise, some sport  helps.       They took almost everything from us but we are still here..they did not get our souls.   Know that in this life and the next  we can say we loved completely, kept our vows and promises and gave our all.    They cannot.

 

Last edited by Rob (July 13, 2022 11:37 am)

Victo wrote:

.......She literally took everything from me.  My family, my career, and my sense of my own character.

If you could go back Victo...to the moment you know was the beginning of this,... can you pinpoint what you would/should have done and said? When she started to take everything from you. The emotions you should have kept in check, the moves you could have made to counter the moves she made against you, the plans you could have begun to offset her own?
Because I think we can all think back to how we could have done it differently....to preserve our pride in how we handled ourselves when our world is tipped upside down.
None of us are/were perfect. But to let the people we thought we'd spend the rest of our lives with ruin us as strong people and turn us into weak little balls of hate? No fucking way Victo. I'd bet she's not even thinking of you.

Be stronger than the hate. Find the real you again

Elle
 

Elle- you are likely correct that she isn’t thinking about me.  She never did, so I doubt she has started lately.

Sam-  spot on description of my own relationship.  Spot on.  I can only hope to move on one day like you have.  I have been trying.  But there is sooo much to rebuild - a career, a family, a life of happiness.  I don’t know that I have the resources - time or money - to rebuild it.

Thank you for your words.

Thanks for the honesty.  My ex wife told me she was a lesbian a little over a year ago.  At the time I was so naive, thinking we could work through it because we really loved and cared for each other, but after I found out about the affair, that all came tumbling down.  I realized that our entire relationship was just her manipulating me into taking care of all of her needs while I constantly tiptoed around her.  I had to be absolutely perfect, and if I didn't meet every need, she would wail about how I didn't love her.  But when it came to her honoring the most basic part of our relationship, she felt she didn't owe me anything because being a lesbian made her special.  The irony is that before I found out about the affair, I was totally blind to the problems, and I thought I had the perfect marriage. 

After we separated, I felt like my entire world had crumbled before my eyes.  I felt like my life was over, and I ended up being hospitalized for suicidal thoughts.  I quickly went from missing her to absolutely loathing her, and that took me to some very dark places.  But after a year, I feel like I'm finally myself again.  I am still trying to figure out how to move forward, and sometimes I definitely still hate her.  Yet I know that hating her and letting her continue to occupy and control my thoughts will eventually destroy me.  I'm trying to approach forgiveness as a means of revoking her power over me rather than a means of vindicating or validating her.  For me, it's a matter of letting go of the hatred and replacing it with love for myself.  I am still human.  I am not broken.

Though, there are many ways in which I'm fortunate.  We were only married for 2 years, and we don't have any children.  I haven't directly communicated with her in almost a year, which has been a tremendous blessing.  At the same time, people often say I'm lucky all of this happened while I'm so young, and I can find someone else.  But I'm not really sure that's true.  Right now, I can't possibly imagine trusting someone else enough to marry them.  If anything, this experience has taught me just how vulnerable romantic relationships make you, and it's impossible to know who a person really is.  But I have found love and support in my family and friends, and I am truly lucky to have that.