OurPath Open Forum

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June 25, 2022 4:02 am  #11


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

Sam, yes I have noticed new registrations that don't post, so some people are finding us, it's just a lot less isn't it?  I typed into Google - why do straight women marry gay men - the same thing I wrote when I first went looking.

the straight spouse forum was on the first page when I originally wrote it.  'Above it was a Bonny Kaye article which also linked to the straight spouse forum.

I think the way to improve it now is to reinstate the term straight as the pivotal word in the banner so it is picked up first, not OurPath.  and something to pinpoint what it's about - as in Straight Spouses or even Straight/Gay marriages.

the other thing that's changed is there's a whole lot more articles.  and whereas there are a few from the perspective of the straight spouse - like the Chinese women, it looks like there's a lot more that are written for the gay spouse than the straight.

Elle I'd rather have your cold weather than 40 degree heat - as long as you have a nice wood fire.

Last edited by lily (June 25, 2022 4:23 am)

 

June 25, 2022 6:29 am  #12


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

.. almost like you've all gone on holiday.. lol
and left your devices at home!

Elle

Just spending time working through options. Both about all this, and trying to get dual citizenship in Italy through my grandfather to offer my kids options for them and the grandchildren.
It's really complicated.

 

June 25, 2022 9:54 am  #13


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

It's summer in the northern hemisphere, schools are shutting down, vacations are planned or in progress, etc. There are short periods when things are a bit inactive here. A new person gets a few questions answered and needs some time to focus before returning, and so on. Never seems to last long, especially once we get past a holiday weekend (looking at you July 4th). I've never understood what makes someone want to 'drop the bomb' as part of Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, Labour Day, etc. Maybe because it's an extra day when people are not focused on jobs, school, etc, and get a bit of extra time together with no typical daily agenda?

That being said, I tried searching for things like "My spouse is gay" lesbian, bi, with and without question marks, in incognito mode, and Our Path never appeared anywhere on page one. I think there is some work needed to make the site rank higher. I no longer know how I originally found SSN, but I wouldn't have been googling "Straight Spouse". I had no idea the term even existed, or that I was one. This is the province of SEO experts. It would be interesting to find out from any new forum members how they got here?
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

June 25, 2022 2:26 pm  #14


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

Daryl wrote:

It's summer in the northern hemisphere, schools are shutting down, vacations are planned or in progress, etc
.....

Right...of course, summer break!

Re Finding the site... personally I think removing "straightspouse" from the identity of the site was a calculated move to make the new name appear more "inclusive" and yes those are sarcastic quotation marks because it seems onepath wants to politically-correct the straightspouse into irrelevancy.
It seems every day more LGBTQ are coming out. Who knows who is steering the onepath ship.

Elle
 


KIA KAHA                       
     Thread Starter
 

June 25, 2022 5:15 pm  #15


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

Elle.....

Well, I'm on the board of directors, and Kel, a former prolific poster here is now the executive director.  Believe me, those "steering the ship" are well aware of what goes on here. There were two main drivers for the name change:

1. Some right wing anti-LGBTQ groups were co-opting the word "straight" and branding it as meaning anti-LGBTQ. There have been "Straight Pride" parades featuring some pretty unsavory characters. We do not want to be branded as such. We are FOR the straight spouse who seems to be written off as collateral damage. That's quite different from being anti LGBTQ. We have been presented, mostly unwillingly, with our own path and are here to help others on the way.

2. Because of this image, our grant funding dried up, as the name caused the perception us being an anti-LGBTQ organization.

I was very reluctant to change the name. I have been involved in the organization for over 20 years, and for most of that time the name worked. However for the past several years it has worked against us. Be angry with the right wing loons (we have to many of them here, IMHO) who ruined it.

32 here today. -3 to 7 would be a typical winter day here but I guess a bit cold for Christchurch.

 

June 25, 2022 10:11 pm  #16


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

Elle:
 I just kind of stood there wanting to scream at the ashes of my life.  I'm coming to terms that there was part of me that wanted his parents to really lay into him for what he's done.   His family may still/may already have layed into him but in private. I would hope they're a bit embarrassed to front up to you and are keeping all this under-the-radar. I reckon you need to start telling more people

I would have known if his parents had laid into him.  Every time he's had a bad interaction with them prior to their visit I knew.  He'd tell me, rant to me, show me the text messages, or need a shoulder to cry on.  And he and his sister did have a private meeting with them and it was after that that his father gave him his acceptance.  He couldn't wait to tell me when he got home.  

His parents fear is that i will take off and not ever let them see the kids again.  His Mom told me as much.  Which I would never do to them.  Just because I might not want to see him/them I would never deny them access, its not fair to them or the kids.  The other fear is certain people finding out...and eventually those people will in good time.  

I am telling whomever I feel I need too when I need too.  I'm not ready to light the fires of Gondor all over Facebook yet...but don't worry my smaller community families are finding out when the time is right. Plus I have myself a very angry Mama....I'm not responsible if she lights the fire of Gondor all over the internet. 

Over 100 again here today...yay summer. 

 

 

June 25, 2022 10:50 pm  #17


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

Sam (Admin) wrote:

...We have been presented, mostly unwillingly, with our own path and are here to help others on the way....

 
Maybe I missed reading about this as an explanation for the name change, maybe it was never explained this way at all, but the way you have explained it makes more sense than any of the grand "we'll be a
newer/bigger/better website" that we were originally told.

So... because the site is now under the radar the straightspouse network now not only has to claw our way up another mountain to be seen, to be heard and believed...(edited) we also have to pander to a community that doesn't want the world to even know we exist?

*#$&@+?!!! I feel so ineffectual, a small fish in a big pond full of money sharks

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (June 26, 2022 6:35 am)


KIA KAHA                       
     Thread Starter
 

June 26, 2022 5:25 am  #18


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

I just want to find out if many more donations from Foundations etc. has been received after the change in name? There was actually a long discussion regarding the change in name during September/October last year. The thread was "Amazing changes coming to SSN". I was then, and still now is, against the change in name. The main reason is that questioning heterosexual people will not search the words "Our Path" on Google as it does not contain the word straight or heterosexual. I have gained so much knowledge of what was happening to me when my husband with whom I was married for nearly 40 years suddenly said to me "and by the way I am gay". I just wished that I found this web-site many years ago. Prior to my discovery of SSN, I had no knowledge of concepts like emotional abuse, gaslighting, verbal abuse, narcissism and a myriad of other concepts. I even struggled to find the SSN and only found it after disclosure. I am quite sure I would have never found Our Path Open Forum. To be fair - I think the fact that I do not live in the USA could have  influenced the results of my internet searches. My only hope is that "newbies" still find this web-site and the wonderful support from other straight spouses!

 

June 26, 2022 9:28 am  #19


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

re: the site name
I found it by searching "help support for wife with trans husband".
It comes up on the second page of google search and many on the first page are the "how to support your trans partner" kind of thing. 
This is what drew me in - what shows is:
"Learn about OurPath's support offerings. Testimonials. Testimonials. When my spouse came out as transgender, it was the most scary, lonely, unpredictable,"
It really helped to have that one line there. 
But if there was a way to get the line under the header on this page there, it would be terrific.

=14px"Your partner isn't straight? You're not alone"
I wonder if there is a way as the site owner to ask google to change the results to show that?
It's going to be 97 today (36.1C). I'm in my room away from the A/C noise, resting in bed. He's in his office reading sissy porn. Typical day.



 

 

June 26, 2022 1:55 pm  #20


Re: It's been very quiet in here the last few days

oliviap wrote:

..... To be fair - I think the fact that I do not live in the USA could have  influenced the results of my internet searches. My only hope is that "newbies" still find this web-site and the wonderful support from other straight spouses!

 

Same Oliviap.... It was the"  gaslighting and narcissism "  
that I was unaware of and I learnt all about them in my search to find out what the hell was going on in my life. I too think my search was hampered by the fact I come from another country, I kept finding LGBTQ support here in NZ... it's here in abundance. Nobody seems aware of the straightspouse. 

Elle

 


KIA KAHA                       
     Thread Starter
 

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