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June 12, 2022 1:35 am  #11

Re: Telling the kids

Agl03 wrote:

.....  My mom is about to go off and it will be a fantastic thing to watch.

AG's mother... What a great support...to have your daughter's back.

Ag... Tell your mom she's wonderful


KIA KAHA                       

August 23, 2023 6:43 am  #12

Re: Telling the kids

So dear ones, just an update to summarize the past year.
A year ago we told the children that we are getting a divorce. We told them all together and the reason they were given was that their dad was unfaithful and that we cannot reconcile. In our case I think it was good to tell them all together - it definitely strengthened the bond between them. As for dad not coming out - well, in the beginning it bothered me but I do not see it as my job to protect him any more. My best friends, that I know I can trust, know the truth and so does a big part of my family and support system. That is enough for me. I do not focus on him any more and his likes / dislikes... I have a good relationship with all my kids but not any one of them really ask questions about the divorce and they don't seem to be very open to talk about the topic. I have asked them several times (individually) if they need professional support and openly told them that I get professional support. No-one wanted any extra support. They seem to be ok - stable friendships, stable school reports, normal behavior. They have a relative good relationship with there dad as well, although he doesn't see them a lot. 

     Thread Starter

September 15, 2023 6:13 pm  #13

Re: Telling the kids

Thanks for your update. I came to the forum today to post about my situation with my 17-year-old.
October will be one year since my divorce was finalized, and a year and a half since my ex moved out. Very long story… But today I’m feeling really alone and resentful, and really really want to tell my son why I divorced his dad. I just want to tell him. I want him to understand why I have these bouts of moodiness. I want him to understand why I have CPTSD. I want him to do his chores without me having to ask! I deal with enough.
Anyway, I will likely continue keeping his father’s secret, but some days are hard.


September 15, 2023 7:20 pm  #14

Re: Telling the kids

Seventeen year old sons can be difficult and now that my son is twice that age I can look back and see that there was no way to rush it: he just had to finish growing up. Try to be kind to yourself and spend some time away from him if you can, even if it is just to go out grocery shopping while he sleeps in. It reminds you that there is a world outside the stress at home..

Last edited by Abby (September 15, 2023 7:23 pm)

Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.

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