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June 7, 2022 5:50 pm  #1

New to this ... maybe; I'm not sure

For context, my husband is Jeremiah, my sisters are Irene and Kayla...

I am married to my husband who is transgender...I am not new to that, as he waited until we were married for 2 years to tell me. At first, I was confused and to be honest, kind of angry, that he didn't tell me before we got married. We got married in 2011. So, it was around 2013 when I found out. He didn't go into detail about any of it, and honestly, I was okay with that. I dealt with it and came around. Then a couple months ago he made a Facebook page. He waited until I got home from work and showed me. I was angry. So angry that I literally sat there speechless. It isn't that I didn't want anyone to know, maybe on some level that was the issue, but the first thought that crossed my mind was that now everyone was going to find out something about our personal life that I didn't want anyone to know. I felt that it wasn't anyone's business. I never thought that I would have to explain to my parents and his parents, our very conservative parents, that my husband was suffering from gender dysphoria. My older sister, Irene, already knew because I felt that she was the only person I could talk to about any of this. I trust her with every fiber of my being. She isn't judgmental about anything, and in fact is very LGBT+ friendly. I always thought I was too; in fact, I still believe I am. I just don't fully understand what my husband is going through and that bothers me. 
Back to the Facebook page...I started getting text messages from my friends and family. They thought it was a joke. They thought he was just messing with everyone. When my younger sister texted me at 3:00 in the morning the day after he had posted it, (I have to get up at 2:00am for work on the weekends so I was up), she was the first one to see it and ask me about it. I told her that it wasn't a joke and that I was not sure how to feel about our private lives being put up publicly for the whole world to see. It was two weeks before I finally processed through the anger and the betrayal of all of this. Maybe it wasn't a betrayal but that's how I felt. Still kind of feel that way. This is the hardest thing we've dealt with in our marriage.
After I got over the initial anger of all of this, I knew we had to sit down with our parents and explain this; after his mom texted me with the big red question mark emojis. I told her to ask him. I didn't know how he wanted to even talk about this with his born again Christian, conservative parents. I went there a few days later to pick our children up after I was done with work, and she came right out with it and asked me what was going on. I asked her what she thought was happening. She asked if he was gay/bisexual. I said no. He dresses in women's clothing. **keep in mind I had some major issues going on with this from the anxiety this was causing me**. She looked at me and said "That's It? That's all? Joyce, we are his parents and will love him no matter what." and with that all of my anxiety washed away. They are keeping it at a don't ask, don't tell sort of thing; and I'm okay with that! 
The morning Kayla texted me, I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it over text. My sister and my husband had met up and talked about it. She read him the riot act on making sure that I was happy and that I was okay with all of this. She and Irene have been a godsend to me. Kayla sat down with my dad, who again is very much against a lot of this (mostly because he was raised that way), and he did not have a bad reaction like I had expected. His primary thought was for my happiness and the fact that my husband remains a father to our children.
I have yet to actually sit down and talk to my mother about any of this, mostly because she is going to try and turn it around to how it all affects her. That’s how she is. She brought it up on the phone yesterday, said that we needed to sit down and talk in person and that there are things that need to be discussed. My stepfather has not said a word about this to me, and probably won’t unless he gets super drunk; at which point I will likely tell him where he can stick his opinion of anything that goes on in my life.
Over the past few months, more and more people are becoming aware and surprisingly are okay with it. They are all on the whole “don’t ask don’t tell” thing and I’m perfectly good with that.
What’s new to me, is that my husband just told me that he has felt like this since he was a child. He needs my support and I need to know how to support him. If I’m being honest, I don’t have a clue where to start with offering up my support. I love this man more than words can ever describe. We have always just jived together. We are good together. We make the best of every situation that comes across our table. Today, June 4, 2022, he told me that if this is all too much to handle that he would understand if I wanted to walk away. I about lost my shit. How could he tell me that? After almost 11 years of marriage and everything we have gone through he throws that out there. I am angry that he doesn’t trust me enough that I will stand by him through this; even the parts of this that I just cannot fully understand. He says he doesn’t expect me to understand but he doesn’t realize that if I don’t understand, I can’t grasp everything he’s throwing at me. I walked into my office, closing the curtain because I didn’t want anyone to follow me.
This man and I have two children together. We have built a life together. And he did turn it upside down for me a few months back. He knows this and I know he’s sorry for doing it. It’s frustrating. I asked him tonight when I was finally able to talk to him again, why he waited until a couple years into our marriage to even come out to me. Why couldn’t he trust me enough to handle it when we were dating. He says he didn’t know for sure how I would react so he hid it from me for that long because he wanted to make sure that I was in it for the long haul.

Last edited by joycemarie318 (June 7, 2022 5:51 pm)


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