Daryl wrote:

I don't believe that most women don't know their sexuality until they are older. I'd like to see the reputable study that forms the basis of this conclusion. 

I don't believe that either, and sure hope I didn't gave that impression.
But it's something that applies to a certain percentage of (lesbian)women. My guess it's about 15% of lesbians that really discovers and acknowledges their sexual orientation later in life. But I don't know a study that has measured it, It could be that Lisa Diamond has published something about this statistic (?).

Perhaps what is really happening is denial until after procreation and the realization that time will eventually run out for us tears down that wall they built around it?

I suppose that's one of the many reasons. Another is heteronormativity. But I think there are numerous reasons for it and it's not warranted to exhort one explanation.

The reactions of the wife of topic starter are not constructive for a continuation of a succesful relation. So much is clear. But it's also very fresh, and the possibility she hasn't thought things through is very likely. Maybe she's acting on what she thinks she should do (based on nothing else than general assumptions or some stupid youtube thing), who knows? It all sounds to me like she came accross some limited info or some LGBT friends advice, thinking that was the designated path one should follow. 

It's one week after she came out as lesbian. This is much too soon to draw conclusions. I agree with what you said: "don't be hasty". Rushing to a therapist is also a bit early in this stage. There are much more talks needed to get some solid clarity first. There are so many paths and options not discussed or even considered. 

daseal21 wrote:

One week ago, my wife of eight years (and mother to my children, ages 4 and 2) shared with me that she has come to the realization she is, in fact, gay.  While I had hoped for at least a bisexual orientation, she is very certain in her feelings.  She can't see a marriage where we have a physical relationship anymore, and I can't see one where we don't.  So I am coming to the very sad realization that our marriage is over.   We have so much to figure out.....kids, finances, living situation, etc....i just feel so very paralyzed.  How do I even begin to move forward from here?  I'm trying to get set up with a therapist, but its taking a bit longer than I had hoped to find one with an opening).  I know there are no answers, but any insight or encouragement is welcome.  

Simple advice. Cut her out of your with ASAP. Don't coddle her don't support her send her packing. It's going to hurt but you have a life to live and as soon as you cut her out of it then you can start healing. She probably has a girlfriend so suggest she move in with her. The kids stay with you. Then divorce her as soon as possible. It's her decision and deception. Let her wear it and move on. Next.
 

Blessings to you. 💫