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- Grace1958
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Re: Something to laugh about…
Elle -
I figure when I leave next year sometime I'll probably never have another sex partner for the rest of my life. So, while we're still together there is one thing he is very good at and requires no male parts. It makes me happy, it makes him happy. I'm pissed off but I'm not going to punish myself on top of all the rest...I think maybe if you're younger (and not disabled) it would be different. I mean, it was for me in my 20s for sure but this is my last go around with a relationship. Might as well get my jollies while I can. I only do it when he is "him".
- Grace1958
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Re: Something to laugh about…
@can't make this up
I absolutely agree with you about not staying together if you are young enough to start over. If I had left mine 12 yrs ago when I first had an inkling I'd be set up in my own place instead of having sunk all my inheritance into this one. Go with your gut ladies!
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Something to laugh about…
Grace1958 wrote:
.....this is my last go around with a relationship. Might as well get my jollies while I can. I only do it when he is "him".
I do get what you mean Grace. It took me 3 years to decide and tell him I no longer wanted intimacy with him. I also told him why. He's a man who doesn't like letting emotional parts of himself out and to ask him a simple question about 'our situation' would have him skirt around/dodge/give a vague answer....so I said "as well as the issues I have with my shoulders & back I feel you're never really there when we have sex and it's like you rush to get to the end of it"
I was totally honest with him and he just accepted it. No long drawn-out conversations, nothing.
He once said to me "I'll never tell you anything ever again" so I'm glad at least *I* was truthful.
I'm okay with no intimacy. I don't miss it, he's used all mine up and
omg! I'll never be interested in another man that way either...
KIA KAHA
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Something to laugh about…
Grace,
I said a similar thing about sex with my ex when I was in "can we make this work?" mode. My ex, too, was "very good at" that "one thing" that doesn't require "male parts." I even convinced myself that I was being coolly rational when I told myself that at least I was getting a lot of orgasms, and if I weren't getting this satisfaction any more I would up and leave.
Hahaha. The joke was on me.
I couldn't remain detached, and I got drawn in emotionally--which, of course, sex with your partner is designed to do. Fact is, the sex began to feel more and more mechanical and scripted, and I realized, over time, that his seeming eagerness to please me was all about his idea he was a woman in a lesbian relationship, and that this idea is what was exciting to him. That and my female sexual response, which he could then appropriate for himself. I wasn't exciting to him, only my femaleness. I could have been any woman.
I went from feeling desired to feeling exploited. When I gave voice to my discomfort and doubts, he turned it into an attack on him, and that was that, and he treated me like an enemy from then on. The whole sordid experience and experiment caused a lot of psychological damage to me. I wish I'd never ever screwed myself over (so to speak, pun intended) by giving in to him, and giving myself over to him.
In the end, making myself vulnerable to him while telling myself I was a fortress was a self-induced mind fuck. I emerged from it knowing just how much I could rationalize, just how much I could deceive myself, just how destructive it could be to me to do so. Whether my self-deception was a product of fear of a future alone, my denial of the truth about my now-ex or myself, or my unwillingness to leave a financially comfortable life, I had been dishonest. I'm very wary of my own mind now, and far less trusting of my own seemingly rationally arrived at conclusions.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (May 21, 2022 8:39 am)