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November 18, 2020 6:28 am  #11


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

sorry in advance, Tangled, but time for a rant.  Bi-erasure?  bi-erasure?!  I hadn't heard the term before and I love it.

but I wish bisexuals would consider the distressing reality-erasure they are inflicting on us all when their narrative of bisexuality conflicts with objective reality.

does the truth of the matter matter?  you bet it does.  there is a concrete reality we all share.  Gravity, for instance has us all standing on the earth and nobody is hanging down from the clouds.  We can all agree, we're all affected the same way.  There is a commonality of ingestion, digestion, excretion - no one has a two way system, it goes in one direction.  It's just the way it is.  well cows chew the cud but it is still inevitably going to end up coming out the rear after digestion is completed.

Sean is not the first person here to say that as he became emotionally involved with the man he was having sex with he stopped being capable of performing with his wife.  It sounds to me like the same emotional maturing that happens with straights in a loving relationship.  

Being able to perform with a woman is not the same thing.  
 

 

November 18, 2020 12:40 pm  #12


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

Been together 8 years - he's 59 and I'm 48; he's been with men; cheated on me; says it was a period in time when he was 55; not sure if he's lying; he's figuring out what he is/wants/needs......I'm trying to heal

 

November 18, 2020 12:52 pm  #13


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

Try checking out Reddit on this topic. You’ll see bisexuality is valid and there are many bisexual men that are monogamous and there are some others in relationships where they are practicing consensual non-monogamy. I’ve encountered many bi men there that aren’t interested in men, romance with a man, etc... My husband has never had romantic feelings for a man. He doesn’t desire hand holding, cuddling, kissing, sweet nothings, etc... Bisexual men like him do exist. Sean would say it’s denial and internalized homophobia that keeps these men away from more intimate relationships with men. Maybe the reason my husband wouldn't be interested in more is internalized homophobia. But that’s like me saying I’m 100% straight, but maybe it’s denial and internalized homophobia that’s keeping me from trying out women. 🤷🏼‍♀️ We like what we like. Not everyone can be put into a box. That's the problem I have with Sean's summations. 

Last edited by TangledOil (November 18, 2020 1:03 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

November 18, 2020 1:33 pm  #14


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

Here's my timeline...
1985....We met. I was 27, my partner was 19. He was a virgin...I was married, 2 kids. Life was wonderful, I was in love. We were bullet-proof.
2005....Partner goes into police training. 5 months. I suffered depression for the 1st time in my life
...........When he came home he said "look what I found online, a site to meet people. Sexually. A little wary but hey I was in love, and had a healthy libido. Met people together. And separately. Then I found he'd been seeing people and not wearing a condom. I went ballistic, he didn't seem worried. We met a married man, only once (I'd always rejected married men but I was curious to see if my opinion of married men cheating was real. It was... we never saw him again. But....the night we saw him was the first time I had seen him put his mouth around a cock. He seemed to enjoy it, but he was still calling himself bisexual.
Then for a while he was seeing one woman on his own. I learned she was giving him awesome anal sex (vomit. And looking back now I think "was this an entry into what followed?") I became different. Quiet yet emotionally crazy at times. I said I couldn't do this anymore. He agreed but let's face it...my trust was crumbling and when that happens there's no turning back and I didn't fully believe him. But I thought I would lose him. Hah! I'd give anything except my babies if I could go back with the knowledge I have now and leave him to all the men he wanted.
We both became resentful of what we'd both lost, but have both been reluctant to give up the good life we have. 
There is a lot more that happened between 2005 and 
2016-17........but my learning/discovering/realising that there was a secret, that I kinda knew but not fully, a part of him he didn't reveal until....all our kids were adults and left home, we were comfortably off enough to go anywhere we pleased....the discovery of who he really was, and the fantasies and dreams he kept from me.....was the beginning of the end of our sexual relationship. 
2020.....flatmates. I'm not leaving til I'm ready. I'd love for him to be the one to leave. We're just too comfortable

You see....there was no moment, no one occasion. It's been a long drawn-out Mindfuck. I'm now 62

Elle





 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (November 18, 2020 3:30 pm)


KIA KAHA                       
 

November 18, 2020 1:40 pm  #15


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

TangledOil wrote:

............You’ll see bisexuality is valid and there are many bisexual men that are monogamous and there are some others in relationships where they are practicing consensual non-monogamy. ..........We like what we like. Not everyone can be put into a box. That's the problem I have with Sean's summations. 

The trouble is Tangled.....once I learned a bit more of what my partner wanted I got to thinking "what more has he not told me" 
I believed in him til he gave me enough to doubt that he can be monogamous

Elle
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

November 18, 2020 1:50 pm  #16


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

Elle,

I just don’t have those doubt. We’ve talked about a lot of crazy sh*t. I don’t doubt that my husband can be monogamous and I’ve told him that I’m open to hearing what he has to say if it were to ever come to the conclusion he needs to act on it. He knows I will listen without judgement. That being sad, he says it's not a "need" for him. Now if I was into it he'd probably be more into it, but I'm not. It wouldn't be fun for him at all if I wasn't on board. 

Tangled 

Last edited by TangledOil (November 18, 2020 1:56 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

November 18, 2020 1:57 pm  #17


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

Also, Elle, I’m sorry for what you went through. That does sound painful. The keeping of secrets is awful. I’d rather hear the truth how ever hard that may be as well. 

     Thread Starter
 

May 19, 2022 9:57 am  #18


Re: What age were you and your partner when you started questioning...

TangledOil wrote:

I’m just curious what age you and your partner were when you started questioning if they were LGBTQ? 

As for us, we were on the verge of 50 and this presented as a midlife crisis. 

I knew something was different in our dating stage. I would say mid 20's. I shut it down and looked past it because I thought I had found "the one". Looking back now, my intuition was tell me something but I was not listening to it and ignored. I continued to ignore until we divorced now 13 years later I'm in my 40's and this is when he officially came out after we divorced. 
 

 

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