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1 of 1- Crystal_H
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What do I look for in a Therapist??
Hello,
For those of you that have gone or are going through therapy. What are some things that I should be looking for in a therapist that have been helpful to you all?
- Daryl
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
Probably trauma experience. It's difficult not to come out of this without some mental anguish.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- Gloria
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
I have been in therapy since 2016 so I have an excellent one. She had helped straight spouse's before.
- broomhilda2
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
I have had trouble finding a therapist over the last 10 years. I even had one woman on our first day, start telling me how sad it was for my gay husband to be in a marriage with a woman.
What has helped me the most in the last 8 months is learning about narcissism in its various forms, Complex PTSD, dissociation, and how to manage dysregulation. Before that, I kept focusing on my husband being gay, whereas, I really needed to focus on healing myself and moving on.
At this point, I am personally looking for a therapist specializing in trauma and EMDR therapy. I will add some links to YouTube channels that were helpful to me. Take Care!
Surviving Narcissism
Doctor Ramani specializes in narcissism
Resetting the Vagus Nerve, releasing trauma
Brené Brown, Shame
When you're ready to start taking charge, Mel Robbins was helpful in motivating me
- Crystal_H
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
broomhilda2 wrote:
I have had trouble finding a therapist over the last 10 years. I even had one woman on our first day, start telling me how sad it was for my gay husband to be in a marriage with a woman.
What has helped me the most in the last 8 months is learning about narcissism in its various forms, Complex PTSD, dissociation, and how to manage dysregulation. Before that, I kept focusing on my husband being gay, whereas, I really needed to focus on healing myself and moving on.
At this point, I am personally looking for a therapist specializing in trauma and EMDR therapy. I will add some links to YouTube channels that were helpful to me. Take Care!
Surviving Narcissism
Doctor Ramani specializes in narcissism
Resetting the Vagus Nerve, releasing trauma
Brené Brown, Shame
When you're ready to start taking charge, Mel Robbins was helpful in motivating me
Yes, thank you for this information. I'm trying to revert my focus on myself now as well. I'm still very focused on the actual act of him lying and keeping this from me for 13 years. That has been a bit difficult for me to overcome. I also see the word narcissisms a lot in this Forum. I'm trying to see how I can relate to this and my situation during our marriage. (I'm now divorced and found out after the divorce). This entire time I thought I was the one being narcissists and had many narcist behaviors due to how I was maneuvering through the marriage and even giving myself much grief and regret for this. Now after finding out that I wasn't crazy and there was actually something there that I just couldn't put my finger on is very eye opening. I have a therapist. so far we've connected. She is not a trauma therapist however, she's been pretty good and making me more self aware that I was lied to and it was not my fault. I'll check out the links-Thanks
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Thread Starter- broomhilda2
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
This entire time I thought I was the one being narcissists and had many narcist behaviors due to how I was maneuvering through the marriage and even giving myself much grief and regret for this. Now after finding out that I wasn't crazy and there was actually something there that I just couldn't put my finger on is very eye opening. I have a therapist. so far we've connected. She is not a trauma therapist however, she's been pretty good and making me more self aware that I was lied to and it was not my fault.
Absolutely, you weren't crazy. This forum is where I started to hear the word "Narcissist" and I initially thought, "no, he's not like that". There are different degrees of it aside from the stereotypical boisterous jerk. For example, my ex is a "Covert Narcissist". He seems like such a nice guy to everyone, maybe a little introverted, but in reality, he was acting & & lying & manipulating & hiding.
I think we all have self-preserving traits come out now and again and I also wondered if I had narc tendencies but it's the long-term emotional manipulation that makes us 2nd guess ourselves constantly. I wish I had known about narcissism before our last attempt at couples therapy. He was more concerned with making himself look innocent & victimized in the eyes of the therapist than actually working out an amicable friendship with me.
It took me a while to find self-help that resonated with me online since I couldn't find an actual person to work with me. I'm glad you have someone to talk to. It's so important to tell the truth to someone.
If the covert narc sounds familiar, here's one more video...
Take Care!!
- Grace1958
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
That's a tough one. You need someone who deals with LGBTQ issues but can see from the straight spouse side. So far I've only found that the 2 I've tried have more compassion for my gender fluid (wishes he could be trans) husband than for me. While that helped me find more compassion for him, now I am looking for someone to help me understand why I attract men who use me. (All 3 long relationships) so I can find my strength.
I think perhaps during this process you need more than 1 therapist.
- BirdSolveig
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
I've had 2 therapists I terminated with because of their pro-LGBT stances. One wanted me to go back to my TGXH and the other asked if I was used to seeing him in women's clothing. She went to a church that was very pro-LGBT. I don't have a therapist now, although I would like to have one. My insurance doesn't cover many of them and I live in a small town.
I'm really having a hard time with all the politics concerning LBGTs. I can't support their being accepted as normal and having all these legal protections that I think are wrong and that infringe on other people's rights.
- Rob
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
I was in such trauma I wasn't paying a lot of attention but I just chose a general family therpist. If I could be brutally honest I think liked that my therapist was what I considered a normal female (I broke etiquette one session and asked if she had a boyfriend or was married).
I really don't think one needs a therapist dealing with LGBTQ issues..we need help for us not them.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Crystal_H
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Re: What do I look for in a Therapist??
I really don't think one needs a therapist dealing with LGBTQ issues..we need help for us not them.
I can agree. The therapy would be for my issue. I’m so over making everything about my GX husband. The focus will be on me.
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