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July 26, 2021 4:43 pm  #1

Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Some straight spouses are perfectly okay (and not only okay, but truly accepting) their spouse being bi. I know that may be challenging for some to realize that others can be perfectly content with their bi spouse and vise versa (the bi spouse perfectly content with a straight spouse). Throughout this, since my husband came out as bi, well over a year and a half ago, I’ve completely accepted who he is. He’s a wonderful man and the most loyal person I’ve ever met. Over time I’m getting more and more messages (usually via Reddit) of people who are accepting of their spouses bi-ness. They have no concern their spouse “isn’t straight.” I’m hearing more and more from straight spouses who are okay with, or even encouraging their bi spouse to explore their sexuality with others. This isn’t my situation, but I respect that others have the choice to define the marriage that works for them. Who am I to judge what two consenting adults agree to? It’s not for me to decide. 

I don’t have any familiarity with this, but I’m seeing some of this with straight/gay marriages as well. 

I just wanted to put this out there for anyone who says to a straight spouse something along the lines of “he/she isn’t straight” regarding their spouse like that should be more than enough for anyone to consider ending the relationship/marriage. 

edited to add... not all bi spouses are narcissists, liars, and cheaters. A person can be bi and honorable and monogamous. 


Last edited by TangledOil (July 26, 2021 4:57 pm)


July 26, 2021 6:12 pm  #2

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Great points here. Bisexuality is not synonymous with unfaithful or non monogamous. A partner being bisexual does not automatically mean they will cheat or will "eventually come all the way out of the closet and say they are gay". My bi husband is a better man than probably any other man I know. His sexuality doesn't make him any less likely to be an amazing faithful husband. 


November 21, 2021 12:50 pm  #3

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

Thanks, TangledOil! 
My wife came out as bi- (to me and our teen kids only) a year ago. I have absolutely no problem accepting whatever she likes in this world, as long as she keeps her sexuality within our marriage. (And as a straight man, I do the same.) I don't act on my desires to have sex with other women. Nor does she. She is a wonderful, trustworthy, dependable wife and best friend of 20 years. Accepting that she also likes women does not have to threaten our marriage. If anything, the open communication strengthens our marriage. 

I, too, am really fed up with the incorrect stereotype all over the place that to be an honest, open, courageous bisexual person you must (and have the right to) have a relationship outside the hetero marriage. I feel like we need to increase the voices of bi- spouses who are willing to say that they can be faithful married to a hetero spouse and still be honest and true to their bi- identity. And raise the voices of straight spouses who are lovingly married to somebody who is bi-.

Last edited by HappyMOM (November 21, 2021 12:53 pm)


May 16, 2022 11:04 am  #4

Re: Some straights are perfectly okay with their spouse being bi….

You have no idea how grateful I am for these comments. I am straight, and my husband revealed to me just four months ago that he is gay. We married in 2001. We are doing everything we can to remain together and to maintain our faithfulness. He has a long, long way to go with self-acceptance. He only recently accepted his own identity, last fall. So we are in early days. The hurt and pain he has suffered by needing to maintain the life of a square peg jammed into a circular hole runs deep and wide, is full of deep seated shame, and is going to take years to heal and overcome. Thank you TangledOil, CMaree23, and HappyMOM - I want to be able to still say in another 20 years that we are happily together and supporting one another and continuing to flourish under the care and love of the other. Knowing there is no shame to want this is heartening.


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