This is downright scary.  First off, is there ANY reason you need to talk to him in-person?  Most settlement discussions happen through the lawyers.  You two don't need to actually speak at all to come to an agreement.  You need to tell your lawyer what he's saying.

And he cannot legally take all the money and clean out the bank accounts.  Those are considered marital assets and there are laws surrounding that.  Tell your lawyer that, too.  If nothing else, you can get a hearing in a few days to make sure you have the money you need to pay the bills.  Don't let him run roughshod all over you like this.  It's as easy as a call to the lawyer.  Don't let him intimidate you here.  You hold the cards now.  Remember that.

Kel

Oh he is being very vicious. It's going to be okay god is going to take care of me. I am busy for the lawyer now which has given me something to do

Please take every possible step to protect yourself.  He sounds very, very dangerous.  He has physically abused you before, and now he's mentioning a gun.  Physical domestic violence is a strong predictor of murder.  The fact that he has physically assaulted you increases the odds that he will kill you. 

Please see this link, below, and read down the bullet points.  One bullet point says this, "The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%."  

This is from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:  http://ncadv.org/learn-more/statistics

Are you still living with him?  If so, you really should go stay somewhere else.  Don't ever be alone with him.  Go stay with friends or family, preferably ones that he doesn't know about (because he might go looking for you there).
 
As horrible as this option sounds: You might even want to stay at a domestic violence shelter, temporarily.  Those places have excellent security beyond what friends or family could provide for you.  

If you contact the police now, and report what he has said to you, the police will intervene more quickly on your behalf if things escalate.  

I've quoted lostdad below, because I agree with every single thing that he said.

lostdad wrote:

Please be safe!!!!

His request for the gun should be viewed as a threat to you.   Don't underestimate him. 

Do not assume you know him and that he would never do anything to hurt you.  Please treat him as a threat to your safety.  You've already said that he has physically abused you before.  Please don't assume he won't use the gun on you.   Please find safety and protection.
 

Last edited by Jeff W (October 27, 2016 8:15 pm)

What lostdad said 100%!

lostdad wrote:

feelingoverwelmed wrote:

I have shared some of this with a few members but it is just so embarrassing.

Why do you feel embarrassed?

Please give some thought to this and write it down.  You don't have to share it hear if you don't want to.. but I think you need to put some thought into what is driving you to feel this way. 

Do you think you caused this?
Do you think you enabled this?
Do you think you chose poorly?
Do you think his problems are a reflection of you?
Do you think think this should not bother you?
Do you think people will judge you based on his decisions?
Is your identity wrapped up in your husband and how the world sees him?

Please give this some thought..   then come back here and we will all tell you the same thing. 

This is not your fault!
This is not something you caused or something you could have fixed!
This is not something you should have seen coming before you married him!
This is not a reflection of you. 

You have gone WAY over and above the calling of even the most supportive and loving wives.  You have dealt with more than anyone could have for 12 years and you have stood by him. 

You should not be embarrassed, you should be proud.