My life has been turned upside down the last few days

My wife told me a few days ago that she has come to realise, that she is not attracted to me, not any other man (has not been for quite some time) and she is attracted to women.

She loves me, I know that she does, but she is not in love with me.

We had a break about 15 years ago, because she cheated on me, and during this break, she had hooked up with a girl.

In the time since, I've often 'joked' that she was Bi - I have always known she liked girls, but just accepted it.

My wife also was sexually abused as a child (she had a terrible childhood) and we both refer to our meeting in high school as me 'saving her' from that environment.

I think I bring her comfort, security and safety, which was lacking for her childhood. Over the last couple of days, she has given me more detail about the abuses she experienced, and quite frankly, is amazing she is still here.

I've spent the last few days, disappointed in myself for not seeing all the signs;

She never initiated sex. Ever. She has told me now that she loves me kissing her and touching her, but the actual sex she finds uncomfortable and has been for a long time.

When I would ask her after, "was that nice" or "did you like they" she would only ever agree with what I said.

She has never reached out to touch me

She has never sent me a cheeky text

She has never commented on my appearance or body

She would often pretend she was tired, or worse still, that she was asleep when I would try to initiate sex.

Its so hard... She is my princess. My dream girl. My forever person. I look at old pictures, and they seem fake or staged now. My kids want and need to be with their mum, but I'm upset I have to give up time with them.

I said to her, they after the initial shock or sadness is I've, it must be exciting to think about connecting with a girl. She has effectively been living a lie all of this time. But I don't want to go and find someone or meet someone.

I do wonder what it must be like to feel wanted, ity feel lusted after, but I don't know if I will ever trust someone or have the confidence, let alone know where to start.

Its been great to find this forum. And even just to write this out. I don't want to tell my family yet and I have no one to talk to. She has lesbian friends and close friend she has been talking to, but this is new information to me and I don't have anyone to talk to.

Thanks for reading. I'll keep scrolling through the forum to get and make some sense of this. Thanks.