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  •  » His perspective vs my perspective (including on child custody)

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    October 24, 2016 11:12 pm  #1

    jkpeace
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    His perspective vs my perspective (including on child custody)

    I just had a thought:  My newly disclosed husband does not know why I have a problem with him still living with us, during the divorce.  Actually, he has been saying he wants to stay married.

    All the reasons why I cannot do that have been discussed...no need to rehash those.

    Something new just occurred to me:  For him, our relationship has not changed:  He is not attracted to me.  Although I never before knew that, he always knew.

    For him, he did NOT just learn something new about us.  I SURE DID.

    No wonder he can't understand why this all hits me so hard.  I am the same person he thought he married.  He is not the same person I thought I married.

    I have never lied to him.  He KNOWS he can trust me.  He has lied to me the entire marriage (that BIG lie about not telling me he was gay...I know that he knew).  He has added a special year full of lies, this year.

    He can trust me.  I cannot trust him.
     

    Last edited by jkpeace (April 13, 2017 8:14 pm)

     

    October 25, 2016 10:18 pm  #2

    Keepinghope
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    Re: His perspective vs my perspective (including on child custody)

    JK, just want to say I read this and I feel for you. It sounds from your later post that he is rethinking 50/50 custody. What great insights you shared here. It's true, when I confronted my ex in total shock, he just said something like he was the same as he always was. Wow! It didn't quite sink in them, but I guess for him that was true. No wonder they do t get our shock and pain.

    I'm sending you all the good thoughts and strength I can. It is important to get him out of the house as soon as you can so you and the kids can begin to heal.

     

    October 26, 2016 8:25 am  #3

    Rob
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    Re: His perspective vs my perspective (including on child custody)

    JK,

    Your STBX seems to have some conscious or remnant if one left..
    Few are total narcissist like my ex.

    I identify with him as a dad...sorry.

    My ex despite causing all of this is not a bad mother day to day.  You could argue that she, ultimately, is a bad mother for causing all this, for abusing me in front of them, being a horrible person.  But day to day(on the surface) and , most importantly in the eyes of the court system..she is a good mom. The court does not see the evil.
    And the court system in my state sides with the mother.  She would need to be in prison or an axe murderer  for my state to award even slightly more custody to a father.
    Sorry but I can identify with the feeling of a system and a spouse wanting to take your kids away from you...it hurts to core...in my case as a dad that has done nothing but provide for and love my kids it was like a kick and a punch in the stomach.  I sat there bawling while my lezex told the court family people..that I was some deadbeat dad..that I could not possibly take care of the kids. One lie  after another.
    The reality of me staying up.with them, taking them to their sports, giving 110% for them..all for naught.  And the court not knowing her or me gave serious belief to every word she said.
    It was satan incarnate and speaking on this earth.   Sorry but I saw evil in physical form.

    I was not trying to take the kids away from her even thought she was a selfish adolescent with no thought for their future or well being. Yet she had no problem lying and trying to take them away from me with no compassion or remorse.  Pure evil.

    I admire anyone that can get their kids away from TGT more of the time.  I could not.

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

     

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