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February 19, 2022 9:05 am  #1


Some Resources for Partners of Trans

It's been four years since I learned of my now-ex husband's yearning to be a woman, as well as his gay in denial issues. 

It was my experience that other than this forum and a few other websites, there wasn't much outside information on this topic.  Everything I found seemed geared to persuading straights to accept and celebrate the trans.  

I did find the following two books to be helpful, to show the history and other side of trans.  Oddly enough, there is almost no mention of the straight spouse.  

(1) Desist, Detrans & Detox - Getting Your Child Out of the Gender Cult - by Maria Keffler.  The book is geared towards parents of gender dysphoric children, but lots of good general information.  I recall that this book was briefly banned by Amazon in response to trans protests.  

(2)  Trans - When Ideology Meets Reality - by Helen Joyce.  From the bookcover:  "People are being shamed and silenced for attempting to understand the consequences of redefining 'man' and 'woman' according to feelings rather than facts.  And while compassion for transgender lives is essential, it is stifling much-needed inquiry into the significance of our bodies, especially with regard to women's rights, fairness in sport, same-sex attraction and children's development."  

 

 

February 19, 2022 2:53 pm  #2


Re: Some Resources for Partners of Trans

In replies to posters with trans-declaring husbands I have many times posted a list of resources.   It was made before Kathleen Stock's book "Material Girls" and Helen Joyce's "Trans" were published.   The list is below.

Resources for partners of men who decide they’re transgender:

Academic and Professional:  

Michael Bailey, "The Man Who Would Be Queen."  It's available online and downloadable.  Bailey is a research psychologist at Northwestern Univ.  

Donna Chapman and Benjamin Caldwell: “Attachment Injury Resolution in Couples  When One Partner is Transgender”Journal of Systemic Therapies, Vol 31, No. 2, 2012, pp36-53(full text of article available online)

Anne Lawrence, "Men Trapped in Men's Bodies/Becoming What We Love."  Lawrence is a trans person and an MD, a psychologist who treated (now retired) trans identified males.

Also: http://www.annelawrence.com/autogynephilia_&_MtF_typology.html 

Autogynephilia: An Underappreciated Paraphilia Anne A. Lawrence Department of Psychology, University of Lethbridge, Lethbridge, Alta. Canada 

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/3eb9/a449b840ef525436454c4f658b8d364d194f.pdf  

Memoirs/Accounts by Wives 

 Christine Benvenuto: "Sex Changes."     A memoir  Benevenuto's ex husband now goes by the name "Joy Ladin." 

 “Naeferty”  (a pseudonym)  Naeferty ran a blog about her experiences with her own trans identified male partner.  Read the post "Gas Mark Six" and the comments. 

https://makemorenoisemanc.wixsite.com/mysite/post/a-plea-for-help-for-feminists-from-a-trans-widow 

“Transwidows Escape Committee” Mumsnet[url=https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3668898-trans-widows-escape-committee-3-rise-of-the-trans-widows]https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3668898-trans-widows-escape-committee-3-rise-of-the-trans-widows
[note: this is a link to #3, but there are now 5 "pages"][/url] 

A podcast: "How my ex-husband’s transition made me feel"
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p06xvbsc https://www.transwidowsvoices.org/our-voices

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (February 19, 2022 2:56 pm)

 

March 2, 2022 8:00 pm  #3


Re: Some Resources for Partners of Trans

Leslie and OoHC,  I just saw this today and thought you would appreciate hearing it, too.
To the brave mom with a daughter on the U of Penn's swim team, thank you!  

"A report from Mother of Swimmer - USA"
A report from Mother of Swimmer - USA - YouTube

 

Last edited by Lynne (March 2, 2022 8:02 pm)

 

March 4, 2022 8:31 am  #4


Re: Some Resources for Partners of Trans

Lynne - thank you so much for sharing.  I've been following the Lia Thomas story in the media.  Interesting to hear from the mother of one of Lia's female teammates.  She spoke anonymously as there is effectively a gag order from the swim team, the school, and the swim association, to discourage any negative comments about Lia's competition on a women's swim team..  Lia is a 6'4" transwoman with broad shoulders who smashes women's swim records and dashes the hopes of success from women competitors, including teammates.  And uses their locker room, despite being "intact".  

Women are supposed to stay silent and suck this up.  

Last edited by Leslie77 (March 4, 2022 8:34 am)

     Thread Starter
 

March 4, 2022 10:09 am  #5


Re: Some Resources for Partners of Trans

Leslie,  
Interesting how the women are being (and always have been) oppressed due to their biological sex.  Not so with men who want to be women, it's all about their feelings. Nonsensical.  It's so obvious this guy cares nothing about these women or he would not have competed.  It's all about him, no empathy for others.  

Wanted to add what the mother was met with when she called an attorney she new at the ACLU for help.  She was told "the words biological and genetic have no business being in a discussion around sex and gender...transwomen are women, they are female, they are girls, no language that minimizes that point should be tolerated...sex and gender are equally important and the ACLU is actively removing sex from legal documentations and legal language...let me tell you with certainty the ACLU will never represent cis women against women."



 

Last edited by Lynne (March 4, 2022 4:32 pm)

 

March 4, 2022 6:09 pm  #6


Re: Some Resources for Partners of Trans

Thanks for sharing that, Lynne.  Graham Linehan shared it on his Substack, and a number of women have posted it onto Ovarit (a gender critical message board that replaced the sub-reddit Gender Critical when it was banned, because Reddit considers biology transphobic. 

 

April 21, 2022 4:13 pm  #7


Re: Some Resources for Partners of Trans

Hi,

Another book that I just heard about today and haven't read yet is: The Abolition of Sex: How the "Transgender" Agenda Harms Women and Girls by Kara Dansky.

 

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