Nita, only you can decide what's acceptable to you in a relationship and take appropriate steps if your boundaries are being pushed.  Which they are, because you are here and you already know the hypothetical guy is not for you but for him! I'd say no thanks and break up, but thats just me.

I agree with Lily, it would be wise to be tested for all STIs just in case he is already stepping out.

What do you think counselling will do?  If there were any benefit for him in getting counselling why hasn't he signed up for it himself years ago?  oh that's right he knows what he wants, it's just you who needs to fall into line as far as he's concerned - and he's working on it.

95% heterosexual - what is that?  How can you be less than heterosexual, full stop.  Do you give one glance out of twenty to a woman?  Or when it comes down to it, is it men you are attracted to, full stop.  

Does monogamy matter?  you know it does, so why are you offering to stick around while he does counselling?  He's more likely to be entertaining himself dissing you to the counsellor than looking into his murky past.  But just wait next time you complain out will come stories of how he was abused as a child.

He is Gay In Denial.  He will play you til the cows come home.

That's just my opinion of course, and it's about someone I have never met.  But I have to say you are showing the classic signs.  and you've just been hoovered back in.  Now is the time to step back and take an objective look at him for yourself.
 

Last edited by lily (February 18, 2022 4:15 pm)

My boyfriend followed through, and booked an appointment with a psychologist for later this month. He has had suicidal thoughts; I am so glad he is going to get some professional help to get clarity......

I find this very isolating.  I've talked to a couple of close friends about the situation (although my partner asked me to keep this between us).  I have to have SOMEone to talk to.  It feels like a deep, dark secret, and it's putting barriers between me and my friends as I'm not sharing what is going on in my life....

My boyfriend has a room in his house dedicated to recreational sex.  A play room.  He also spent thousands and thousands of dollars on a motor bunny.... I've tried it; it was painful.  He keeps going on about me trying it again.....even though I've told him it hurts.  It is a thorn in his side.... But hell will freeze over before I try that thing again......

Keep talking to me, friends.  I feel very alone with this all.....

yes, following on from Abby -

Make an appt with your doctor.  Talk to your friends and your family.  Protect yourself.