Lost, If you went to the market alone and he died it wouldn't be your fault, it would be nature calling time on a bad heart he was either born with or gave himself through poor lifestyle choices. None of that is on you. You did your job just staying with such a difficult, manipulative, selfish man - and nature will have relieved you.

But don't rely on nature to solve your problem.  We lived with my dad's dicky heart for 40 years (quad open heart bypass in the 1980s, later periodic stents) He died of old age at 89 last year.

So perhaps ou should seek a therapist to help you set firm boundaries with your spouse while you work out what you want to do about your life.

For example, if you had separate lives and interests before the heart attack you should maintain your separate life.  You cannot permit him to limit you in such a way that even going to the market alone is not possible for you.

Sign him up to an emergency call button service to use if you are not there. All you could do anyway if he had a heart attack at home would be call an ambulance. The service calls the ambulance then calls you so you can meet them at the hospital.

If he's worried about being alone hire carers or get community volunteer visitors to be with him when you don't want to be or can't be because you have your own life.

If he isnt happy with your arrangements, get him some info on assisted living facilities where people are round all the time. Because you are simply not going to be there all the time.

Get some support for yourself and try to at least to maintain your me time and separate life and interests for the present.

Think carefully about the long term.

Sorry for the errors:
very expensive
couple is
 

LostNalone wrote:

....... Sad as it is, I am all he has........I believe that what I need is to be strong and firm and stand my ground. ........ I need to have a life. I need to be able to come and go as I please.........I did not cause this, it was not my fault. If he does not like it, well then, divorce becomes the alternative. I will let that become his choice

Lost ....don't let it become his choice. This is your life we're talking about. I can't remember if you've said if you have a lawyer but I really think your situation needs a legal advocate, mostly to sit beside/counteract the loyalty that keeps you helping the man who ruined your life. 
You could make your staying and being there for him into a contract. And expect payment for it, compensation. It would be a business transaction. 
To do this you would need to see him not as a millstone around your neck...but rather as a means to an end....which would be your freedom. To stop feeling he holds this Mindfuck over you but that you are taking your power back
Can you put space between him and you? Like....still care for him but move out and live somewhere else?

Elle

Hi,
I understand feeling trapped. IMO your marriage was doing well pre heart attack and there's no reason for that to change for you. You had a decent partnership that ended up being more about companionship than intimacy. You might just let him know that's all you have to give because he's flip flopped so many times that you simply can't and won't trust him any further than that.
Eventually chances are he will go back to being with other men, if the pattern holds. I'd get legally separated. Not for Medicaid but to know where you stand financially, but keep the ability to be his medical advocate easily. Also, should he end up in assisted living, your assets would be protected. It seems like a common theme here for ladies to say to protect yourself financially but I think we've all seen cautionary tales.