LMM.....I think you no longer belong on this MOM board

👍

Daryl wrote:

I think what Ellexoh is suggesting is that you might find a new thread in the main Support category to be more applicable to your situation than 'Strategies for MOM's'. ....

Thanks Daryl... Indeed that's what I meant. I myself, after reading it, thought "wtf! Should I change/explain that!" I didn't because i trusted that surely you'd all know how far I have come myself and that I would never be that harsh to somebody trying to figure out why a man would be this unfeeling to somebody he was supposed to love.

This is how I meant this board to work. For a Straightspouse to work this out with the help of other Straightspouses. Not with any input from the LGBTQ partner, the very person who was instrumental in pulling our lives apart. The MOM board was misnamed and gave some of the power of healing that the Straightspouse so desperately needs....to people who in my opinion.... don't deserve it

Elle

I made the mistake of posting on the wrong thread in July of 2020. I was glad that I found this group but did not know where to post. I got a lot of replies that I never read. I assume that this group is like group theraphy and some of us don't want our personal business out there. I am very very careful now. I have never been in group therapy and don't think that I would ever do something like that. I am glad that the group has helped some people. Please know that I am holding a good thought for all of you.

Rob wrote:

LMM,

My GX's physical rejection of me started with her lesbian affair but I must say if I look back on my decades of  marriage it was 98% of time me who initiated any physical contact.   Im not talking just sex but even hugs, kisses, basic couple contact..  Its not like she didnt hug me or anything..  but as I look back now with 20/20 hindsight I can say;
a.) I was blind to it because I loved her so much.  
b.) Its was not normal for a heterosexual woman.
c.) I can see clearly though the narcissism..

I think like you my inexperience and youth  coupled with a.)   blinded me to b.) and c.,).     But its not all my fault because my GX with her closet and narcissistic skill was perfectly capable of stringing me on for years and hiding the gay..    Some say our upbringing and low self worth makes us blind to it...   but even my friends that knew her when we were dating did not see the gay.     

So I absolve myself of blame and naivety  in TGT.   And you should do the same.    We gave true, fierce love.. absolute and unselfish.   We loved them when they were sick, mean, any weight etc..    They gave ???
 

Rob,
I really appreciate this. I can relate! When we were engaged (we didn’t date, just had a prophetic command to marry) he would hold my hand, kiss me, showed the world how he loved me. The day we got married it stopped. Not only did he sob in the hotel that night and then take days to be able to have sex (with anger and anxiety). The other affection dried up. He snapped that there was something wrong with me because if I touched his arm, held his hand, put my hand on his shoulder - basically any human contact at all - he felt a burning, buzzing pain there.

I’m a really compassionate person who is super accommodating to people’s needs. If I know someone has a grief day every year when he baby died, I call her or text. If my friend has a disability I do everything to help her and include her. I think my husband loved this trait. I was very concerned about not giving him that burning pain. I treated it like a medical mystery. I wanted to get therapy or work on our love languages, but that just made him angry. “You’re critical of my problem! You’re so overbearing, reminding me of this awful problem and pushing me when there’s nothing I can do! If there was anything to fix it, I would do it! You’re so mean to make it seem like there’s something I should do, when I’m the one who can’t enjoy my wife touching me!”

See how he made himself the victim of me? And blamed and accused me? And I bought it. I hated how mean and selfish I was. I was starved for not only affection, but touch in general. Part of the abuse was him requiring that I leave friendships. In our first month of marriage he moved us away from our community (where I was well loved and had great support) to a new city where he got anxious if I left the apartment. He was always home watching movies and I had to stay. It’s like he took me, set me down in a cave where he could gaslight and manipulate me, and I had no touch, nothing that fed my soul except my connection to God.

Now I’ve had three months of lots of affection and sex. But it all turns out to be a ploy to keep me.

You’re totally right that we loved them when they were mean and unloving. We kept going. We can be good people! We’ve built character and integrity that many people never get to build. We’ve done it while starved and bruised.

Rob wrote:

LMM,    

My GX's physical rejection of me started with her lesbian affair but I must say if I look back on my decades of  marriage it was 98% of time me who initiated any physical contact.   Im not talking just sex but even hugs, kisses, basic couple contact..  Its not like she didnt hug me or anything..  but as I look back now with 20/20 hindsight I can say;
a.) I was blind to it because I loved her so much.  
b.) Its was not normal for a heterosexual woman.
c.) I can see clearly though the narcissism.

 

Oh Rob 😢

This made me cry and is EXACTLY my situation.

Hope you are doing ok

But the narcissist - I've seen that come up a bit on several posts.

Can you/anyone elaborate on how it is being used? Don't really understand? Selfish?!