You know what, Rob? You have tremendous clarity on what happened to you, the right and wrong of it and the resulting strength. Every time I read what you author, I sit back on my chair and have that opinion. 

The complete disregard all of these spouses have for us is alarming to me. It's indecent. It's cruel. It speaks to who they were to begin with. We can't all be fools. It's considerably more likely the type of person that would keep these deadly secrets and treat others with such lack of compassion after their choices change, are master manipulators and just that good at duping all of us. My therapist has told me I have little to do with his choice, or why he is so callous. I'm starting to see she is correct. There wouldn't have been much any of us could do to make these types more considerate. BEYOND TGT, they are nasty people with no compassion for anyone. Have a  peaceful afternoon. I'm struggling lots lately with enormous sadness but I'm trying to side step it until I can see how to take a step forward. Hope you're doing well. 
Judy

Lake Breeze,
I completely agree with you. Mine is a covert narcissist. He's been terminated 9 times in his life and has never really treated anyone well at work either. That had nothing to do with TGT.  Perhaps we are simply the recipient of them being horrible humans that have other issues and being Gay has nothing to do with it. Great post, thank you!

Lake Breeze wrote:

Judy, I am coming to believe that we are all dealing with a "subset" of gay people who happen to have personality disorders or some such thing, and who all just generally treat other people like crap.  I am not so sure this is about their being gay, in denial, ashamed, etc.  I think these are just despicable people who happen to be gay.  I doubt that my former husband would treat a gay man any better than he treated me.  Looking back, I can see that he never really treated anyone particularly well.  It is just who he is, unrelated to being gay.  I think you are onto something similar, "nasty people with no compassion for anyone".

Last edited by Judy (October 24, 2016 3:39 pm)

Daryl,

I think from reading here, your experience was quite different than what most of us endured. That said, you were in a marriage that obviously had enormous secrets like we all did have and are you fairly certain you know all of what happened between you?  I have come to the stark realization there probably was more than what I found out. I think keeping secrets of this magnitude means something more than TGT exists. Just my opinion. 
Judy

Rib,
Lost Dad knows ALL of what has happened to me and that's why he called me that. I'll defer to you and your judgment that Steve's wife beat me out of my almost 50 years of horror and endured more than I have. My story is posted here but not under the my story thread. Is Steve's wife still alive? I didn't think I would be.

Judy

Last edited by Judy (October 24, 2016 10:04 pm)

I'm certain that there was never any infidelity. How and when the self-realization came about is a bit harder to pinpoint. After marriage but probably like a tiny drip that makes a puddle larger and larger and eventually you can't avoid stepping in it or ignore it any longer. I wish I could say it makes the process easier. Not really.

Judy wrote:

Daryl,

I think from reading here, your experience was quite different than what most of us endured. That said, you were in a marriage that obviously had enormous secrets like we all did have and are you fairly certain you know all of what happened between you?  I have come to the stark realization there probably was more than what I found out. I think keeping secrets of this magnitude means something more than TGT exists. Just my opinion. 
Judy