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Blue Bear,
I totally get that. My son does deserve to know. But he has expressed a desire not to know. I want to honor his choice. Because he didn't hear the truth from me, and chose not to know the truth, he may, as you say, find it out anyway--my family all knows, for example, and I wouldn't be surprised if one of them lets the secret out one day (although we live a thousand miles apart, so we don't get together often). If that happens, however, I'll say to my son that his choice not to know always came with the risk he'd find out anyway, because I was not obliged to keep his father's secret from everyone else.
If I could change one thing about the way I ended my marriage, I would have followed my initial impulse to tell my son at the time of the break up. (I was browbeaten by a raging husband and ended up caving.) Waiting merely complicates matters and makes it more difficult when you do speak the truth.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 2, 2021 7:51 pm)