Happy Thanksgiving, and thanks for starting this thread!  What happens to me during the holidays is that my emotional state can go either way -- because holidays are linked in my mind to certain milestones.  These are mine:

D-day for me was between Thanksgiving and Christmas, 2017.  I had many shocking discoveries ahead of me at the time, but I was cleaning up in anticipation of my daughter coming home for Christmas when I found the first proof: my husband's viagra, fallen out of his pocket while he was getting ready to go out with "friends".  There was a lot worse to come, but I knew this viagra wasn't for my benefit -- my husband had cut me off for over two decades by then.

By the time the next Thanksgiving had come around in 2018, I'd learned how to see his texts, which had led me to file for divorce ... although I hadn't moved out of the house yet.  I'd learned, for example, that he had an "open relationship" with a guy, Mark, who was twenty years younger (my husband was then in his 60's).  This guy had a not-particularly-open relationship with a live-in boyfriend, Cesar, who was ... get this ... over twenty years younger than him!  This poor kid wasn't even old enough to drink -- in fact, I'd met him and can attest he wasn't even old enough to shave. 

I'd intercepted enough texts to see that STBX and his fuckbuddy had agreed, between them, that their primary relationships took precedence ... they were apparently very proud of this: that they'd drawn boundaries to prove that there was some chivalry in what they were doing.  It reminded me of the movie "Pretty Woman" where two prostitutes agreed never to kiss their clients on the mouth.  THAT would be dirty and shameful!  It reminded me of an alcoholic boss I had who disciplined himself never to drink before 6 p.m.  THAT would be alcoholism!  And another boss who wouldn't do cocaine before 4:00 pm every afternoon.  THAT would be addiction!  Random boundaries people set, to prove only to themselves that they're in control of whatever monster is actually laughing at them! 

So my husband and Mark had this agreement between them, that their primary relationships would ALWAYS come first.  I feel so honored ... but wait, there's more!

I'm back in 2018 having filed for divorce, and preparing to go to my sister's for Thanksgiving.  Checking on my husband's texts, I can see he's planning a weekend getaway with Mark, to Palm Springs (gay mecca).  In a separate text chain, he's contacted a different fuckbuddy in Palm Springs, trying to arrange a tryst.  Other fuckbuddy responds "are you with someone who would be upset if you were with me?" and my philandering gasbag husband responds "yes, my BF."  

That was my Thanksgiving gift: my husband is cheating on me with Mark, Mark is cheating on Cesar with my husband, and my husband is trying to also cheat on Mark with this other guy. 

As an aside, I feel for Cesar.  I have no idea what a vulnerable teenager is doing caught up in this meat-grinder with these two predators, both of whom have the advantage of age and money.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Last edited by walkbymyself (November 24, 2021 11:26 am)

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Clif, am glad you checked in. It's good to know there's full recovery with time & effort. 

LostAtSea, glad you continue to heal. Glad you got out!

Walk, am truly appalled.  Glad you walked away. (pun not intended.)

Rob, The best part of leaving was leaving the drama he caused. Am grateful for that. There's no substitute for peace and truth.

Best to all!

Happy Thanksgiving

Please know that you did the right thing by divorcing her.