so this just about sums her up at the moment.
its her birthday next Saturday and she asks me what we are doing for it, i reply i don't know as she has ignored me for most of this year and does she actually want to do anything with me, a few days go by and then yesterday she says "oh lets get a take away" so i say ok then she adds after that she's off out on her own.
I am getting better at letting it wash over me and now i have kitted out our spare bedroom for me instead of sleeping downstairs her coming home at whatever time doesn't affect me so much as i try to be asleep.
But i am still shocked on a daily basis by her, we were talking about her moving out after the divorce and her breath taking selfish attitude is quite something, straight away not caring about our daughters welfare and wanting to make firm week on week off custody as "she wants to be able to go out" i said to her i would be happy if daughter wants to stay with me full time but until shes settled i am not going to tell her which house she has to be in, i am happy with agreement to have her with me but i feel i am doing this from daughters point of view where as stbx is more concerned with her own lifestyle.

other gems from this conversation were around holidays she works in education i do not but i always take my holidays in school holidays, i said i was planning a boys holiday to europe for a week (in school time) and she got the right arse, she really doesn't seem to get that what she has started also has a few upsides for me as well, i am lucky in my job i get a fair bit of time off so it wouldn't impact my time with the children during holidays but she didn't like that i could go during term time on holiday, totally selfish...

she also got funny discussing the family holidays where we drive to her home country (it takes us about 24 hours from Calais and i love doing it and being there) i told her i would happily take the children to see my mother-in-law without her, i didnt feel i should exclude myself from her family as i have done nothing wrong (although neither of us speak each other language but we have enough to point and comunicate through broken language and gesture) but i have family affection for my mother in law and my bother in law and his fmaily just constricted by language but both my children spreak the lingo so i have help. it wasnt that she wanted me not to go she just got funny that i said i would happily go without her.

Last edited by jamieblunt (November 19, 2021 4:01 am)

I have a feeling that this "stbx is more concerned with her own lifestyle." is something you will encounter quite heavily until everyone is clear on the new normal. Week on/off is a good starting framework but there needs to be some allowance for illness, work travel, vacations, extended family visiting, and things like that. Maybe allow for up to three requests per year to exchange weeks for anything other than the most dire emergencies?

I know nothing about taxes where you live but here in the U.S. custody orders often spell out who will get to claim the children as dependents for tax purposes. One less thing to have conflicts about down the road.  You may want to ask your accountant about it.

ooh she just managed to get right under my skin
so i just found out that next Saturday her going out is to another all nighter probably coming home at 3-4am "but its ok this time as i'm driving" was her gambit, then she tried something very low, she goes "you wouldn't have a problem with this if it was a normal event" implying i am some raging homophobe.
I bit hard on that one, as i have said to her countless times i object to her rocking up at home in the small hours of the morning, i couldn't give a fig what she does with her time or who she does it with.
you were all right they are just selfish ,self entitled people, i need her gone asap 

my mind is fully made up, i am pressing go on the divorce on Monday.

okay.  glad to hear it's a law firm you are familiar with.  

and also that you have recognised this is a situation where you are a responsible caring type of person attempting to negotiate the process of divorce with a selfish type of person.  Hard as it is, it's going to help a lot.

I'm a considerate person, I listen to the other - no problem if the other person is considerate too, things are easily sorted, but can be a real problem when it is a self-entitled person who is just going to take advantage and keep on doing so.  and I think oh I can fix this with this adjustment only to find I am faced with another.  This is where my solicitor was so good - I made headway by listening to her and doing what she told me.

You know that old fashioned term cupboard love?  someone who loves you for what you provide.  well what happens when you stop providing?  you are likely to see a whole other side to your wife between here and getting the papers signed.