Jsmie I don't know british law but in Australia our no-fault laws mean the property division and custody can be formalised anytime during the 12 month separation period.  I found the divorce was little more than a rubber stamp - all the nuts and bolts had been sorted within a few months of the separation.

So you might be able to do the practicalities quickly if there's agreement between you.

Australian law is still very close to British isn't it - if it is the same in this then stbx not engaging a lawyer is a trap - she can always claim coercion or that she didn't understand what she was signing.  That's what my lawyer friend advised.  He then gave me the names of two lawyers, one for me and one for him and I said to my ex that I would pay both accounts as long as he didn't do any unnecessary consulting.  We then batted lists of who gets what back and forth by email. 

Once we had an agreement signed we were able to split financially and the divorce was filed and done by my lawyer afterwards without either of us going to court at all.

one of the commonalities in the straight spouse experience is a belief in our 'best friend' - we tend to think our partners are nicer than they actually are.  Maybe it is so pronounced because our partners tend to think of themselves as a bit special, or maybe it is just normal with manipulative partners, idk.

But when I read "I know you will all think it's a trap but you really don't know her" I see a red flag waving and want to say neither do you!




 

Fairly angry/resentful this morning, stbx came home from her big gay weekend last night about 9pm, didn't bother to text to say she was on her way or at any of the major changes in her journey because she texted me on friday on her first night away about a trivial matter and i didn't reply so that was her reason not to text about her journey home.  The journey texts i expected were only about her safety but anyway, my weekend was ok but seeing her come through the door last night, i just didn't need that, i know who she is but i would rather know that i am on my own with my children having to do everything than have her in the house but barely here in spirit.
This just reinforces that the divorce has to happen even if it means selling the family home.

Elle i think you would make a good boxing trainer
i feel like Rocky with Mickey the trainer(you) telling me what to do after Apollo Creed has beaten the crap out of me (if you have never seen Rocky this will make no sense)

your comment makes good reading and in a fashion i have been doing it but as everyone knows its not easy especially when she comes back into my life after being away at one of her lesbian festivals all weekend, whilst my daughter is in different shades of rage at everything, stbx is the only one she lets near to give her a cuddle even though she rages at stbx just as much as me, last night was horrible, my daughter was apoplectic with rage about various stuff (angry at me telling her to do her homework, angry when i offered to help and angry that i walked away when she told me to) apparently she got hit at school and reported it to the teachers so i asked her to tell me about it and she rages at me to go away and then she rages at me some more as again i did what she asks, so i cant win.
Then me and stbx have a medium row as she wanted her to go on calming meds years ago and i stopped her "as she has been like this for three years" which is not true her rage has only really manifested in the last six months before stbx came out but well into her 2021 of ignoring me and leaving me to be the sole parent, so i tell stbx to start acting like a mother and eventually she did, she hugged daughter until she was calm something i just cant do at the moment because the daughter wants me nowhere near her.
the female element of my family are literally tag teaming me into oblivion at the moment.

However the patent Elle ear slap is very good for me, i need to make more space in my brain for daughter and far less for stbx.
Thanks coach!
ding ding round 12...

Lily/Daryl i voiced your concerns to my solicitor about stbx not engaging legal representation and she was not too concerned as any and all communication from her to stbx will be framed in such a way as to encourage her to get representation and if she does not that is her issue and once the divorce/financials are done and sealed there is no recourse, i am staying away from the technicalities as i didn't go to law school and we are paying 2.5k for this divorce so its up to them to keep me safe, and i have the emails to prove i have asked the question with a reply so i have evidence if the legal people muff up i have recourse back to them.
so thanks both for the "wing person" work much appreciated