Thank you for writing Helpme25. In reply: 

"Hi Sean I wanna know your thoughts on my husband I know he’s gay but what is your input. I found texts between my husband and his gay friend my husband said ‘bring that ass’ the friend replied with wow you want it again. Another text of my husband saying he is dying to put his soft cock in him. And lastly my husband texted ‘Let me know if your ready to get some hot cock and rock action and get that little ass pounded right.’ I should call it my husband’s boyfriend."

Wow. Well I don't know of many straight husbands who so openly text about 'ass pounding' with other men. I wasn't sure what input you wanted but I'm happy to share a few thoughts. (I've skimmed your original posts so I have a bit of context.) First, I'd encourage you to read this forum's First Aid Kit OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum » First Aid Kit: How to survive finding out your partner is LGBT (boardhost.com). Second, I recommend speaking to someone at the SSN/Our Path Personal Support - OurPath. I've also read in your posts that you're about 4-5 months from having his baby, while at the same time planning to consult with a divorce lawyer. I hope I have my facts straight. 

While I'm not a mental health professional, I echo many of the suggestions fellow members have made on your thread OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum » WHAT DO I DO. Here's my two cents: 

1. Your husband is clearly gay. 
2. Your husband is a top, meaning he penetrates other men. 
3. He appears to have a long-term lover/boyfriend, a boyfriend he likely had before you were married. 
4. His boyfriend is a bottom, meaning he is penetrated during sex with your husband. 
5. Reading your original post, your relationship has followed a common pattern for gay/straight marriages. You wrote: 

a. Early sexual disconnect/disappointment: The night we got married he acted as if he didn’t fit inside me tried again the next morning he did the same he would do other things to me such as fingering and oral sex he wouldn’t let me touch him or give him oral this went on for a while. 

b. A gay "friend": He had this friend who definitely was gay this ‘friend’ would call and text NON STOP until he answered over and over and over they would always text and talk to eachother one time they go on a business trip together my husband comes home the friend calls i answer it because my husband was in the bathroom the friend tells me he wants to fuck my husband and that he wants to marry him but he is laughing while he says this me jokingly says well you had him for a few days now it’s my turn. This was inn the beginning of marriage they would always joke with eachother and the friend would tell him that he wanted to suck his dick n they would laugh and play it off. 

c. Acting "Straight" When on Stage: 3 months later I go to visit my family with my husband of course oh I forgot to mention I was still a virgin within that 3 months of marriage I waited til marriage to have sex. I go to visit my family all of a sudden he has sex with me and claims he wants me and he was really hard for me however he wouldnt do these things at home, would never initiate sex or would turn me down this just made me feel like he knew what he needed to do to get me to come home with him?

d. Finding Gay Porn: Anyway 3 months later I find gay porn in his phone I never said anything to him because I just can’t get the words out when I look at him it’s just so hurtful.

e. Sex/Intimacy Stops: He went over a 1 year of not doing anything with me, when I would try to put lingere on he would always make fun of me and just put me down there were stories that I heard that he has had secret boyfriends in the past before our marriage anyway, the sex hasn’t really gotten better fast forwarding to now we have a child together and one on the way we only had sex twice within conceiving
Both children I can say we only had sex around 15-20 maybe less times in the 4 years of marriage he got soft while I was on top riding him but he really enjoyed anal sex however that was only once because I didn’t enjoy it well I can go on and on but I think that is it for now

6. I wouldn't recommend confronting your husband about all of this until you have fully planned your exit. And by "fully planned" I mean that you: have a lawyer; have another place to live; and have financial means if he cuts you off. Based on my own experience and after years of posting here, closeted husbands often act very strangely when wives threaten divorce and/or threaten to out them. As others have suggested, I would keep all of your proof (like these text messages) safe because you might need such proof in divorce proceedings. I would also be prepared for the following if you openly discuss separation/divorce: a short 'honeymoon' phase during which he'll try to win you back by acting like a loving husband; renewed attempts at intimacy; he might bring up a sexual abuse history that he's never discussed before. Again, I wouldn't suggest confronting him until you have made your decision to stay or go. 

Given what you've shared about the lack of intimacy, more or less openly having a boyfriend, his boyfriend being a complete *sshole to you, and his cruel/mocking behaviour that you wore lingerie, your husband sounds like he's mentally unstable so please be careful. I hope that helps but please feel free to post again.  

Be well! 

Sean wrote:

Thank you for writing Helpme25. In reply: 

"Hi Sean I wanna know your thoughts on my husband I know he’s gay but what is your input. I found texts between my husband and his gay friend my husband said ‘bring that ass’ the friend replied with wow you want it again. Another text of my husband saying he is dying to put his soft cock in him. And lastly my husband texted ‘Let me know if your ready to get some hot cock and rock action and get that little ass pounded right.’ I should call it my husband’s boyfriend."

Wow. Well I don't know of many straight husbands who so openly text about 'ass pounding' with other men. I wasn't sure what input you wanted but I'm happy to share a few thoughts. (I've skimmed your original posts so I have a bit of context.) First, I'd encourage you to read this forum's First Aid Kit OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum » First Aid Kit: How to survive finding out your partner is LGBT (boardhost.com). Second, I recommend speaking to someone at the SSN/Our Path Personal Support - OurPath. I've also read in your posts that you're about 4-5 months from having his baby, while at the same time planning to consult with a divorce lawyer. I hope I have my facts straight. 

While I'm not a mental health professional, I echo many of the suggestions fellow members have made on your thread OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum » WHAT DO I DO. Here's my two cents: 

1. Your husband is clearly gay. 
2. Your husband is a top, meaning he penetrates other men. 
3. He appears to have a long-term lover/boyfriend, a boyfriend he likely had before you were married. 
4. His boyfriend is a bottom, meaning he is penetrated during sex with your husband. 
5. Reading your original post, your relationship has followed a common pattern for gay/straight marriages. You wrote: 

a. Early sexual disconnect/disappointment: The night we got married he acted as if he didn’t fit inside me tried again the next morning he did the same he would do other things to me such as fingering and oral sex he wouldn’t let me touch him or give him oral this went on for a while. 

b. A gay "friend": He had this friend who definitely was gay this ‘friend’ would call and text NON STOP until he answered over and over and over they would always text and talk to eachother one time they go on a business trip together my husband comes home the friend calls i answer it because my husband was in the bathroom the friend tells me he wants to fuck my husband and that he wants to marry him but he is laughing while he says this me jokingly says well you had him for a few days now it’s my turn. This was inn the beginning of marriage they would always joke with eachother and the friend would tell him that he wanted to suck his dick n they would laugh and play it off. 

c. Acting "Straight" When on Stage: 3 months later I go to visit my family with my husband of course oh I forgot to mention I was still a virgin within that 3 months of marriage I waited til marriage to have sex. I go to visit my family all of a sudden he has sex with me and claims he wants me and he was really hard for me however he wouldnt do these things at home, would never initiate sex or would turn me down this just made me feel like he knew what he needed to do to get me to come home with him?

d. Finding Gay Porn: Anyway 3 months later I find gay porn in his phone I never said anything to him because I just can’t get the words out when I look at him it’s just so hurtful.

e. Sex/Intimacy Stops: He went over a 1 year of not doing anything with me, when I would try to put lingere on he would always make fun of me and just put me down there were stories that I heard that he has had secret boyfriends in the past before our marriage anyway, the sex hasn’t really gotten better fast forwarding to now we have a child together and one on the way we only had sex twice within conceiving
Both children I can say we only had sex around 15-20 maybe less times in the 4 years of marriage he got soft while I was on top riding him but he really enjoyed anal sex however that was only once because I didn’t enjoy it well I can go on and on but I think that is it for now

6. I wouldn't recommend confronting your husband about all of this until you have fully planned your exit. And by "fully planned" I mean that you: have a lawyer; have another place to live; and have financial means if he cuts you off. Based on my own experience and after years of posting here, closeted husbands often act very strangely when wives threaten divorce and/or threaten to out them. As others have suggested, I would keep all of your proof (like these text messages) safe because you might need such proof in divorce proceedings. I would also be prepared for the following if you openly discuss separation/divorce: a short 'honeymoon' phase during which he'll try to win you back by acting like a loving husband; renewed attempts at intimacy; he might bring up a sexual abuse history that he's never discussed before. Again, I wouldn't suggest confronting him until you have made your decision to stay or go. 

Given what you've shared about the lack of intimacy, more or less openly having a boyfriend, his boyfriend being a complete *sshole to you, and his cruel/mocking behaviour that you wore lingerie, your husband sounds like he's mentally unstable so please be careful. I hope that helps but please feel free to post again.  

Be well! 

Thank you so much for your response I appreciate your advice ❤️

So sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I do believe that he is gay.

My husband claimed to be "bi" after he was confronted -- I think it just allows them to delude themselves into believing they're not complete monsters.  But he was not "bi", no matter what he claimed.

Defintely gay!!!! Cant_make_this_up_...  I know it sucks, and a punch in the gut doesn't even TOUCH how discovery/revelation feels...  Time to move on for you..  I know how impossible it may seem, but you can do it...  I never would have believed that 10 years ago.. but I promise you... You can do it...  Our generation, "Generation X" was brought up in the era of AIDS..  Gay was gross, disgusting and unacceptable..  I can't even begin to list all of the homophobic insults I have said over the years, to my GAY HUSBAND...  of course never ever thinking HE actually was!!  It's not surprising to me, that he could never reveal such feelings...  It's a long road... but you will make it.. Once you see life clearly, a whole new world opens up..