Sorry this is going not in the direction you might have been hoping for. Make sure you keep yourself healthy. You might also want to keep a journal of events. Times she is away, and why. Any family duties she is skipping out on. Conversations and what was discussed. Such a record may become invaluable at a later date. Above all, try to avoid anger, don't be drawn into something that might show you in a poor light. You can still have firm boundaries. I'm not suggesting making things contentious. If you can still manage to negotiate fairly and honestly, that's great. This is more like having an insurance policy in case it goes that way.

Jamie sounds like Wise plans for the kids, and always better to be honest especially when they are teens. It will be a period of adjustment to the new normal that has its tensions but as long as they feel safe and loved they are pretty resilient I've found.

jamieblunt wrote:

.....
one question for the floor, ive seen the phrase "i am his beard" i am guessing thats in reference to a gay husband hiding behind his wife to keep up appearances of hetrosexuality, if i'm correct what is it called when its the other way round.....

 

 You're in the UK? You'd be her apron....pinny....tabard. You could be
the Cinderella..while your wife swans off to the ball

Elle
 

Lily, sunday was the first time after i dropped the divorce bomb and then she spent the rest of the day mentioning it may be in her head, but when i challenged her on it saying it wasn't fair as it was giving false hope, she back tracked saying she said "she wished it was all in her head" but i already had told her that my forum mates had said this would happen.

Elle i quite like that i am her apron, i will tell her that

Daryl yes timeline in here and on our family calendar which at new years i shall quietly retain.

thanks all for the continued input

Abby i appreciate the concern but as much as my stbx is doing all the things i have mentioned we still have an inherently stable relationship we both know its coming to an end,but she also knows if she is going to extract herself financially/emotionally from this relationship it will be far easier for her with my goodwill and support, if she gets acrimonious she knows it will not end well for her, just last night she was leaning on me to help her get via bus to a town several hours away to see her new friend, i gave her my opinion and then left it at that,she didnt like my opinion on how to get there so spent another few hours trying to work out a better way and then came to the same conclusion, she also asked me to unreasonably take her to a certain bus stop in a major city at rush hour to which i replied no, she got a bit riled at me as i "wasnt helping her" when i pointed out it was a work day and i wasnt off and still had to get the children ready for school etc, she said "ah yes i forgot about that".
the point of that story is that she still relies on me for small things so imagine how scary having to move out, split bank accounts, get a mortgage will be for her as she has never done any of that stuff as its all been left to me, its not rocket science and she is a very intelligent person but its still daunting if you have never done it before,

The bottom line is now we both agree we are heading for divorce she may not want it for financial & stability reasons and i dont want it for all the reasons but she is a lesbian and nothing is going to change that even her "new friend" has said to her she cant be a lesbian and expect to retain all the benefits of her married straight life.

Last edited by jamieblunt (November 3, 2021 2:03 am)