wow, I thought UK had had no fault divorce for decades.  

Think it might be worth researching exactly what is changing as I remember the adults talking about no fault divorce in the 70's - how good it was not to have to get proof of infidelity to divorce any more.  Prior to that it was hire a PI to take pictures.

sorry but I'm going to be blunt.  here's a little fairy story.  when Ms Spin realised her puppet was moving his limbs independently of her pull she had to do something - first she tried an angry tug and when that didn't work she tickled him under the chin and batted her eyelashes and made him his favourite dinner.  It worked for a little while but it didn't work for very long!  she could feel him kicking the table leg as if he were testing his strength.  what to do what to do.  She tried everything. she tugged at his sympathies, she even tried to frighten him but nothing worked for long, she still couldn't pull him back into line and keep him there.  The adrenalin surged through her limbs, it was time for plan B - dump the sucker.  First things first, nice big meal to keep her going til the next sucker turned up.

otherwise known as separation assault.  six months will fly by but there's a lot she can do in that six months while you are waiting for her to 'sort her head out'.  If it's at all possible, keep her away from your friends and make sure you are in control of your purse strings.  Above all consult a lawyer now, not in six months time.



 

Thanks all
Lily
i have sent a contact to my solicitors for a preliminary meeting so that will happen this month and totally get your story but i do have to tread a fine line with some of the shockers you have all described and what i know about my stbx over the last 21 years, 

Hi Elayne not sure how new your revelation is but mine is into its third month and i want the misery to end even if that means divorce or giving up my dream home, yesterday was the first time i really dropped the divorce bomb on her but it didnt stop her today taking her half day and asking if i could do the children etc then at short notice she said she was going up to london to meet her friend she made in september and has been to several girls only discos together (of course she says its just friends)
so today i have worked a full day, taken my daughter to ballet and picked her up, cooked the dinner for me and the children and just got back from the weekly shop, all the while my stbx has had a lovely afternoon in london with her new gal pal who she seems very excited by as she is a forensic scientist for the police not a boring IT nerd like me.

but the one thing today tells me is that i would really be better off on my own with my son but preferably with both of them,at least then i would know i have to do it a.
I told the stbx this morning that she doesnt do this midweek off to london thing again whilst we are living together for exactly the above reason, i didnt try to stop her doing this one as i dont want to be "opressing her" but i wont be her butler/doormat.
Elayne one thing i learnt off this forum and its probably easier for a man than a lady is to not bottle it up, hold up a mirror to your husband (if its safe to do so) and tell him exactly how you are feeling and point out the selfish entitled things he is doing, it may not change the eventual outcome but its been helping me to vent directly at the source of my frustration, but my wife is highly unlikely to take a swing at me so please judge that for yourself.
I dont want to separate but i have my own redline that if stbx cannot commit to then we are done, i want regular loving intimacy and affection, we used to have it. i may even be prepared to share her with another lady but i would demand a full and equal partnership in intimacy time and her other sex life was not permitted to come to the family home, i cant see her ever being able to live up to that but she knows exactly how i feel about that. in some ways i have now turned the screw on her,if it drives her away then so be it, i will not be a doormat/butler.

one question for the floor, ive seen the phrase "i am his beard" i am guessing thats in reference to a gay husband hiding behind his wife to keep up appearances of hetrosexuality, if i'm correct what is it called when its the other way round

Elayne i do thank you for your hugs just like i thank everyone who has contributed to my posts, it really has helped me feel less worthless and alone and really has bolted some armour onto me.

Last edited by jamieblunt (November 1, 2021 4:05 pm)

Blimey i am keeping your hugs and sending you a boat load of mine.
my stbx says she still loves me but that's not enough for me but she is not saying i should stay with her, this is more about her having the bravery to take the leap and leave the family home, ironically my stbx is from another country and her entire life/financial effort is here in the UK, we almost have identical but reversed role issue going on.
i dont want to get personal but as i posted my redline about affection and intimacy is just that, its not enough to have the dream home, financial stability when my stbx is affectionless towards me and will not engage intimately with me, especially as i have "wasted" several years of our marriage being content with a handful of intimate moments a year as  i was being the "good husband/man" and not pressuring her.
life is of course far more than sex but its also the lack of affection, do you get either from your husband?

i am in no position to lecture and i am sure Lily, Soap et al are screaming at the keyboard "wake up man" but like you i am trying to keep it all together mostly for the children but day by day my eyes are opening up.

i would just reiterate though my wife has been a brilliant dedicated mother but this year she has lost her way, which is one of the reasons she gets so much slack from me.

stbx got home an hour or so ago, so i decided to "talk at her" as she puts it
i think we are truly done
when she fights back its about the old me not the changing me that has started to appear since lock down
and she changed her story from yesterday about saying "maybe its all in her head" to what she meant is that she wishes it was all in her head(this was after i said my forum mates have called out this behaviour already)
she is now fairly sure she is lesbian and not Bi (as predicted by some of you) so if thats the case we are very done regardless of her counselling.

she had no guilt or remorse about what she pulled today just used her tired old line that she has done this all herself in the past, not including that when  i was absent from chores it was because i was at work, she conveniently forgets that i never left her to go on a jolly and neglect my chores.

really cant see a way back now

I’m sorry Jamie. I hope for the best outcome for you. Your happiness matters too.