Iamsoconfused wrote:

So my wife has been encouraging me to get out of the house and go spend time with guy friends.  I am struggling to understand why she is pushing this so much.  Does she want me to get used to the idea of being away from her?  Does she just need space without me around (she will have to watch the kids anyway).

We have a guys camping trip scheduled in October and I know what is going to happen.  I'm going to get stuck in my head the whole trip.  Wonder what she is doing and who she is talking to.  I will be depressed and anxious and all the guys are going to wonder what is going on.

Anyone here have a gay spouse who was encouraging them to get away for a bit?  She's really been pushing for us each to spend some time for ourselves lately and balancing the kids. Just has me wondering what's in her head.

None of us can say what her motive is...but if you have the chance to get away with friends: Take it...Allow yourself a break from all this. I think the space will actually be very good for you. I wish I'd done the same myself. 

Iamsoconfused wrote:

.Anyone here have a gay spouse who was encouraging them to get away for a bit? 

 

Nope, I have a bisexual partner who messed me up so much emotionally that for a while I didn't know which way was up! It always seemed he was trying to pull me back into sexual/open r'ship he was comfortable with. 
Thankfully I pulled myself up out of the hole I was in, the dark, deep hole where I was too afraid to be apart from my partner for any length of time.... and arranged for my own 5 week holiday. My 4 children all live in different parts of the country so I visited them all. 
Once upon a time I would be suspicious (just like you) that my partner had ulterior motives. It's a draining space to be in right?

That guys weekend sounds like a great chance to work on being away from your wife

Elle
 

Iamsoconfused wrote:

......
Can anyone relate to their spouse being depressed as it related to their sexual identity?  I can't help wonder if her telling me she thinks she's queer is a result of some of the issues we got going on in our relationship. .....

 
I know this is not what you want to hear but I'm further along this road than you and have ceased blaming myself and trying to fix us or find answers.
I am now celibate. That is what this whole thing has done. I have compartmentalized our non-existent sex life from our everyday life. If my partner decides he does want to fulfill his bisexual side... So be it. It'll be another step along my path

Elle

I think it's far more possible that depression could be a result of repressed desires, even subconsciously repressed ones. I also don't believe in conversion caused by being unhappy about what someone else does. If you're wondering if you somehow influenced her shift in gender attraction, I don't believe it works that way. Blame transference is a real thing however.

Be well.

Confused,

I can say my GX was on antidepressants the while time our marriage unraveled..she wouldn't tell me why she was on them...then I found all the evidence of her gay affair ..   

So sorry.

Regardless of whether she's depressed, gay, or a green alien I want to warn you that the antidepressants could make her indifferent and cold..  I know because during the divorce I was a wreck and needed to go on them...they helped tremendously yet they curbed my feeling things..I called them my "indifference pills"...my kid could look at me crying and I could empathize but not feel it..could not cry along.    It explains a lot how my GX was able to be so cruel ..

Know that you did nothing wrong but love her..know that your feelings are just and true.