OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 - Steve
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Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
Well… It finally happened… The new website and a new name. I would STRONGLY encourage everyone to listen to the OurPath podcast S4 EP1: ‘Welcome to OurPath’ for a great discussion on the name change, the new logo, the new website etc. The podcasts are here: The podcast explains well why the words ‘straight’ and ‘spouse’ are problematic going forward. A lot of us are very protective of the word ‘straight’ and I can understand the bit of pushback I am seeing about it being dropped from the organization’s name. After listening to the podcast I can see the challenge presented by the ‘straight pride’ movement but I also think that we should not engage in ‘straight shame’. I’m glad the word ‘straight’ still appears in the tag line under the logo.
I’m pretty sure the name ‘OurPath’ will grow on me. I freakin’ loved the explanation of the logo. ‘A labyrinth is a path that is always taking you to the center even when you feel like you are going farther away from it.’
This Open Forum has also been brought into the OurPath website which is awesome. I only have one concern. I was active on the Open Forum for many years (not so much lately) and I KNOW that the forum is not always ‘politically correct’. People arrive here angry and hurt. Often in their pain and anger they lash out at their LGBTQI+ partners and the LGBTQI+ community generally. It’s not always fair and it’s not always right but it happens quite frequently. I pray to God that OurPath continues to embrace and love angry and hurt people and doesn’t try to censor the open forum because honestly, I think you will kill this forum if it is not a ‘safe place’ for straight spouses to express themselves and get help. If it's not there already I suggest that OurPath puts a disclaimer on the Open Forum saying that it does not necessarily endorse the views expressed here. I'm terrified to be honest that the forum will be 'sanitized'.
Anyway… Congratulations to everyone involved in the re-branding. I hope it goes well.
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Sam (Admin)
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
Steve wrote:
If it's not there already I suggest that OurPath puts a disclaimer on the Open Forum saying that it does not necessarily endorse the views expressed here. I'm terrified to be honest that the forum will be 'sanitized'.
Disclaimer is there, second bullet under the welcome message.
We have no plans to change moderation policy.
- Steve
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
Disclaimer is there, second bullet under the welcome message.
We have no plans to change moderation policy.
Great news. Thanks Sam, and thanks for your many, many years of service to Straight Spouses 
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
When I found SSN it took me a long time to find my place here, the website being American, me living in another country and having to get used to a different 'people'....language and points of view...it took a while to understand that I wasn't understood sometimes lol.
I persevered and I'm still here because I know I can take the pieces of info and advice that are relevant to me and not think I have to assimilate it all.
The Ourpath change seems to be an attempt to include everybody who needs to be included without stepping on anybody's toes but the line "Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People" puzzles me. Aren't the partners of transgenders straight too?
As I'm typing this I'm listening to the first Voices podcast re the marital status and how many aren't legally married, Was this a factor in not using the term "spouse" anymore? I hope the website, in the attempt to include us all, doesn't 'dilute' who we are. I am straight. My partner isn't. We're not married. But I've never felt I didn't belong here because it was the Straightspouse Network.
Change is good. OurPath will be my path for as long as I walk it
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Steve
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
Me too.
Being in Australia. No local support. Pre all the Facebook support groups (wasn’t even on Facebook at the time) this forum was EVERYTHING.
OMG We laughed. We cried. We raged. But it’s the laughter I remember most.
I love my familee.
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
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Thread Starter- Sam (Admin)
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People" [/color]
I have a problem with that wording as well and have brought it up. I know where it came from, Trans partners felt left out, but I think the wording needs some work. Stay tuned.
- Abby
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
I like the new name and logo. It puts the focus on understanding and validating ourselves.When I first made contact with the Straight Spouse Network (before there was a forum) my life revolved around my spouse and what he wanted. Once he announced he was gay and wanted a divorce I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I could do (give up) to get him to stay. SSN brought the focus back to my value as a person.
Our circumstances, options and choices will be different but they need to be ours. As our partners pursue their "true selves" we need to look deep and find ours.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Steve
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
My favorite memory from the old Voy Forum was that there was a woman there who would tell us boys that she lived on a small farm and would drive a tractor in a bikini top.
Do you think it’s fair to tell a room full of sex-starved straight men that you’re driving a tractor in a bikini top? She knew exactly what she was doing.
Still makes me laugh out loud thinking about the boys trying to determine the exact location of said farm. Somewhere in California :D
Also is there anyone here who remembers the name Portia?
Portia (a lesbian) caused holy hell in the forum for months.
It was like the Wild West in here. Great times
Last edited by Steve (September 13, 2021 2:43 am)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- •
Thread Starter- Daryl
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
Sam, for me it's about definitions. I can use any word I like to describe myself, but when it comes to others, we need to be more careful. We are people and not just the 'spouse or partner of <insert term here>". We are supposed to be the focus of the mission, not a side-story to the journey our spouses/partners or ex-'s are taking. There may not be a good one-size-fits-all definition for us. (For clarity - don't define us solely based on what our partners say they are.)
Last edited by Daryl (September 13, 2021 8:31 am)
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Change is hard – The new OurPath name and other things
Yes, Elle, you need to get used to our language and customs. The Kia Kaha that you use has three K's in it. I thought that you were in the Klan. I am mixed race so I was offended but I do know some about the ancient African American religion, hoodoo, so things will work to my advantage. Think before you type please. You were allowed to stay so maybe you will get the help that you need. Have a good day..
Lmao....what the actual fuck! Kia Kaha has 2 K's in it not 3. And here's a piece of education. I am a New Zealander, we are multi-cultural....Maori being our native language. " Kia Kaha " means " Stay Strong " in Maori, which I previously explained, and it's a phrase that belongs in the straightspouse's narrative.
While your post was initially offensive I realise you're hurting yourself. Maybe you need to think before you type, I haven't been allowed to stay............. I simply learned that to be a member here I had to accept we're not all the same
Elle
Edit by Sam (Admin): I just deleted the original post after it was flagged by another user and I agreed it was offensive. Not sure where it came from, but I did find it amusing she can't count to three......
Thanks Sam....but please don't remove her initial post in my reply to her. It gives other members context
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (September 13, 2021 2:16 pm)
KIA KAHA