OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.
1 of 1- karebear
- New member
Offline
180 degree life change
First time poster, and almost a month in to when my entire world was changed upside down. A little over a month ago my boyfriend of four years came out to me as gay, and I found out he had slept with men previously before we got together. It was already hard enough as it is, because he waited the weekend before I started my last semester of college as an incredibly hard major. We were living together with my cat as well. It came out of nowhere and it hurt so bad because I thought we were going to get married and be together. I had been with him for all of my twenties (We got together when I was 20 & he was 27, and he is now 30 and I am 24). I ended up moving home the next morning when I overheard him telling his cousin on the phone he was excited to be gay and seeing guys. We never really had any issues or huge fights or problems, and he literally had been initiating sex between us everyday for the whole week before he came out and ended things. We went a week no contact after that and I was going through all sorts of emotions but then I contacted him because I had an almost 100 dollar uber charge on my bank account that wasn't mine, to find out five days after we broke up he bought a plane ticket to go across country to go see/have sex with this trans person. I said some horrible things to him and blocked him and it has been no contact since. I am thankfully busy with working and finishing school, so I have had a lot of sad moments but also a lot of okay moments, but still just feel so hurt and numb and like no one understands what I am going through. I have been trying to find some therapists around me, but haven't had any luck yet. I have been journaling and working out and staying busy, but I just don't have a lot of friends and most of my friends were through him, which I'm sure he's told them the horrible things I've said and also is being congratulated as being so strong to come out and live his life. I just feel like I am thrown away, and that no one could ever want me, or will ever want me going forward. It will be at least till January before I can move out of my parents house, and I just feel like in a week my life somehow 180 degree changed. I am grateful and glad we didn't get married, and I am grateful it ended earlier than later but it still just hurts a lot.
- UserNada
- Member
Offline
Re: 180 degree life change
The pain you feel is normal. Please do not think any less of yourself for it. You are completely justified in feeling a great loss. The person you loved is, in a way, now dead. When my wife died (so to speak), I was utterly distraught for many months. It still hurts, though not nearly as deep and dark as it once was. Not even close. There is a light ahead. I was told this, though it seemed impossible: it will get better for you.
Be patient with yourself emotionally. Try to sleep - I know it may be hard. Try to eat properly. Get those things right and your recovery will go much more smoothly. Go for walks - even if you hate walking. Just do it anyway. It will help over time. Good luck.
- Daryl
- Member
Offline
Re: 180 degree life change
Hi karebear, take small steps daily, especially with a major to contend with. I think there are three main obstacles that most of us need to overcome. The first is the shock and trauma of discovery or disclosure. Second is the grief response. Third is the self-confidence that lets us live our best lives. Post here as often as you need to. We understand.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer