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September 5, 2021 12:10 pm  #1


The Power Of No

Came across this article. It's intention is to talk about general boundaries around home and work, but I think there is some applicability to the experiences of some of us.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/sep/02/the-power-of-no-how-to-build-strong-healthy-boundaries?utm_source=pocket-newtab


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

September 5, 2021 10:55 pm  #2


Re: The Power Of No

This is good reading for those at the start of their journey.

"No. A tiny yet mighty word"

...I realized too late the importance of that word, and how powerful it could be for my own sense of self and worth. The boundaries I've set now would have been more relevant 8 - 10 years ago. Maybe if I'd been more self aware... Less blind to where this was heading...less in love with love...
So you younger straightspouses out there,.. find and know yourselves before you give your trust away

Somebody on the Forum commented that she had no joy in her life anymore. That's how I feel. Like I'm in a holding pattern of no joy

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

September 6, 2021 9:17 am  #3


Re: The Power Of No

I am very happy now. I left the homosexual and married someone else. I went through a year of unhappiness. I know that some people stay in unhappy marriages but my advice would be, if you can, leave the homosexual or lesbian and let them practice their unnatural way of life. 

 

September 6, 2021 9:37 am  #4


Re: The Power Of No

Daryl wrote:

Came across this article. It's intention is to talk about general boundaries around home and work, but I think there is some applicability to the experiences of some of us.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/sep/02/the-power-of-no-how-to-build-strong-healthy-boundaries?utm_source=pocket-newtab

"No is a complete sentence" is one of my favourite self-reminders. Thanks for the link, Daryl.

 

September 6, 2021 10:43 am  #5


Re: The Power Of No

Deleted

Last edited by Ordinary guy (September 7, 2021 3:32 am)


And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.
 

September 6, 2021 2:25 pm  #6


Re: The Power Of No

yes, plenty of people have no problem with saying no.  They don't want to please you, and learning to say no fast enough can limit the damage,  but once you are into a relationship then it changes doesn't it. you are inside it.

I just think that if I am in the hands of a manipulator it's time to get away if I can.  And if I can't accomplish that straightaway, then it's time to be brave and not give up and curling up into a ball is better protection than nothing - any game I play be it saying yes or saying no is not going to work out well for me. 



 

 

September 6, 2021 10:53 pm  #7


Re: The Power Of No

Thanks for posting this, Daryl.  It's good tool to keep practicing as I'm taking baby steps (scary, scary) to let new people into my life.  TGT is not dissimilar to the Stockholm Syndrome for me.

It can take more strength than you have at that particular time to leave. One can gain more. Strength is not static.

Tina Turner credited Zen Buddhist chanting for helping her to leave her abusive husband. Here's a scene showing it from "What's Love Got To Do With It."

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=89OJLEnsHuM

I meditated daily to relieve my misery, not expecting much. It gave me the motivation to leave.  (I didn't do this type. They all have the same power, in my opinion.)


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

September 7, 2021 2:22 pm  #8


Re: The Power Of No

I will say as I finally stood up for myself just that single word "no" was enough to make my GX go completely postal.  She was so used to me doing whatever she said for decades. She just couldn't fathom I had any free will and would say no to anything..ie. no will I will not pay for your hotel rooms anymore.

It seemed too little too late but it was a really wasn't..it was a powerful word..more powerful and kind than all the unnecessary cursing and screaming she thought would make me do everything she said as usual.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

September 7, 2021 7:14 pm  #9


Re: The Power Of No

Rob wrote:

It seemed too little too late but it was a really wasn't..it was a powerful word..more powerful and kind than all the unnecessary cursing and screaming she thought would make me do everything she said as usual.

This is true, Rob. It gives both the straight and non straight spouse a path towards the truth. 

I think you'd understand, but I could be wrong. I've said the rosary every day (sometimes 2 or 3 times) since 2013.  My path became clearer. I may have still been married today if I hadn't begun that daily ritual.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

September 8, 2021 5:22 am  #10


Re: The Power Of No

Understand completely MJM.   I had to say no and pray to God and know deep deep in my bones that those things were truer and more real reality than the lies she started throwing at me to justify her behavior.

I just want to remind everyone that just because someone is screaming and yelling at you with absolute conviction does make their words true..it does not make their actions moral.  It took me sometime to realize that with someone I loved.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

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