I posted on here back in November, found some good advice (and some less good for my situation). Gist was, my wife of 20 years came out as lesbian. She had had one experience when she was 19. It freaked her out. She tried hard to be straight. She wanted kids. She fell in love with me. She still loves me. I love her. We are best friends. But things can't stay the same. We both know that. But I'm going to support her very difficult journey every inch of the way.

So since then, I've said nothing on here. But I thought now was a good time to share a few thoughts. 

If I could say one thing though - communicate, remember what you love about each other and work out boundaries. This will give you a fighting chance.

When I came on here, that nice fella Dutchman gave me some tips. But among the things he said was that an open marriage (hate that term) is a sham marriage. From experience, I couldn't respectively disagree more. There are no rules. Marriage or any relationship can be what you want it to be. There's no pure marriage, there's no blueprint or rulebook. For us, its living together (for now), loving each other's company, doing the same stuff we always did but understanding that we are likely to find others and follow other paths. Which we are both now on in tentative ways. She is seeing a girlfriend. I too have a fledgling thing happening. We both know. We both understand. We work out ways of doing this. We discuss our feelings and work things out. 

I feel sad in many ways. But I also feel excited and empowered. We are working together to change what our relationship means so we can both be happy. I'm supporting her. But she is also supporting me. I've been trapped in her closet too. We're both now free. And it feels liberating. If certainly feels a lot better than sitting on the couch, in a loving but sexless, stale relationship, watching Netflix till we die. Bollocks to that. 

Like most of us middle aged folk on here, I've had close friends and family go through real trauma. Illness, death, redundancy and horrid stuff. This is nothing like that. Put things in perspective. Talk to each other. Go to the movies together, get a takeaway, have a laugh together. When the mood's right, discuss the heavy stuff about heart and relationships and what have you. You CAN work it out.

She didn't have any affairs on me. I'm sure of that. (I can hear some of you sniggering). But no really. She's been honest with me about her feelings. So I'm faced with a choice. Do I get angry and bitter? Or does it make me love her more, understand things better and resolve to make the best of the card we've been dealt. I just don't see the point in fighting it. Its like arguing with gravity. She's a lesbian. She's not into men. She can't give me what I need, nor me her. So there's no going back to what we had. So let's go on the journey together. And we'll make sure we find out what I want out of it along the way too. Surely a win/win outcome is worth putting the energy in, rather than rage and despair.

We've jointly told a bunch of friends about things. All of them were 100% supportive of us and took it all in their stride. Family hasn't happened yet - that's gonna be trickier. But we'll cope. 

I have no doubt that one day we'll live apart. We'll probably have new loves. But we'll always be best friends. We'll always love each other. And we'll always both be there for our kids. Those are ground rules. 

12 months time I might be back on here bitter and twisted. But I genuinely doubt it. So don't be downhearted. You can work things out. Be honest. Communicate. Understand. Cry together. Laugh together. Learn together. 

There now. I feel better for that. You might too. Who knows. See y'all again in a year.