RAR1027 wrote:

...............I have not left him yet. He refuses to admit what is going on. I know he is gay but he will never admit it. We have small kids and I guess that’s why I stay. Sometimes I think of this list and wonder if I am completely wrong but I don’t think so. He has ruined 14 years of my life. I am in therapy which is helping.

 

When this slowly creeps into and takes over a marriage/relationship it must be way more stressful with young children in the mix. I think it's great you're in therapy.
My children are adults, I've been with my partner for 37 years and I haven't left him either. Because it suits me to live as basically housemates at the moment. In this Covid-wrecked world I make my decisions slowly but what I did find that helped was moving, with help from a counselor, friends & family, and a lawyer from an emotional, distraught spouse who thought her life was over because the man she was in love with didn't actually seem to have the same reciprocal feelings about her.....to a spouse that realised that she, and her children, were far more important in the grand scheme of things...than a man who didn't want to be honest about who he was. I took the focus I had about what my partner was doing/may be doing/had done.....and put it squarely on myself

I hope you have great support in your day to day life

Elle
 

Hello RAR1027,

It doesn't sound like he's straight in my opinion.  I had no sex during my honeymoon overseas due to GIDXH's fatigue. He had no problems going out for meals or visiting stores. The most romantic time of a marriage was a big zero for me.

I can relate to almost all on your list.  I was in a miserable loveless marriage for a long time. It's soul crushing.

Have never heard of David Yurman having a men's jewelry line. I know it's quite pricey.

You may wish to visit a family law attorney to know your legal and financial rights. It's good to keep your options open.

Best to you & your kids.

Maria

PS Edited a few times for content.

Last edited by MJM017 (September 2, 2021 6:31 pm)

Hi OG,

RAR1027 was the person who said her husband was gifted a David Yurman piece of jewelry from his boss (I think this is what happened) when she first posted some time ago. I have an Amazon dupe of a DY bracelet.

Here's a link to their men's line - this one's for rings.

https://www.davidyurman.com/products/mens/mens-rings.html

I would emphasize the lies and control of the GID filters down to financial matters.  A straight spouse feels stuck and afraid he/she will wind up penniless if they divorce. The wrath of the vengeful GID will prevail.

Not true! See an attorney. They'll let you know what you are entitled to. It's probably much more than you think.  Push this loser (my opinion - sorry for being impolite - but we all know it's true) out the door.

Last edited by MJM017 (September 2, 2021 7:21 pm)

RAR, the Viagra/sexless marriage combo is always a bit of a giveaway - logic would dictate that he must be cheating with someone. So if you still have sexual contact, get tested for STIs - better safe than sorry.

Part of their game with us is to keep us uncertain and wondering what we can do to make it all better. All our focus on them.

However, we can twist ourselves into knots and spend hours/days/years trying to figure out our men and never be able to.

I finally realised I was being abused.  So ultimately the gay/not gay thing was not primary.  My safety was.
 
DARVO works very nicely for them to keep us confused and on the hop.

DENY We ask, they lie.
ATTACK We ask again, they get angry.
REVERSE VICTIM and OFFENDER We ask again, we are persecuting them by not believing them.

It is very freeing, I discovered after 15 years of this type of abuse, to focus on ourselves instead of them.

Is this acceptable to me?
Do I want to be old and alone with this man?
Would he care for me if I was sick or dying?

The answer to all was no for me. I already felt unsafe with him. He was already driving our kids away and isolating me.  Travelling with him was a nightmare of stress, isolation, anger and blame. He believed in euthanasia.

Focus on yourself and what your needs, wants and desires are for now and the future.  Take a hard look at the pros and cons of various decisions you might make to make your life better, safer, happier.  Whatever outcome you might desire, what needs to happen to get you there?

Good luck and i hope you find a workable path for yourself through the worry and confusion.