Hi all,

First post and new to the forum.
Newly separated 20 years together, 12 years married and 4 beautiful daughters together ranging from 17 years to 4 years.
So a little bit of background husband has been a serial cheat and compulsive liar for the majority of the relationship....always protested never went any further than texting and very slight sexual contact always with women.
For the last 5 years he has been caught numerous times on various chat sites namely gay sites and then proclaimed he liked talking to guys about him and other person doing things to myself as it was a fantasy, on every occasion he would always promise it was nothing more than that and wouldn't happen again I was his everything.
15 months ago I walked in our shed to find said husband, that I can only describe as like a rabbit caught in headlights, heavy breathing and in quite an obvious panic asked him if he was OK and he said fine but minutes later my eyes fall upon a rather large sex toy I have never seen before thrown under the chair on which he is sitting. Obviously questioned him about and he protested not gay but couldn't explain why he did it.
Fast forward to July 2020 when a major family trauma left me seeking therapy for my own undisclosed at the time childhood sexual abuse, on the same day as I start my first session I find out he has been talking with another woman and in phone conversation said he felt the spark had gone from our relationship.
I left the marital home for a week for my own mental health and upon return he declared he wanted to work on the marriage had told the woman this and revealed he had also been sexually abused as a child and stated that was why he did the things he did ( watching gay porn, gay chat sites and his shed business).
I continued with therapy for 8 months working on myself, how to create healthy boundaries in relationships, growing and learning my own worth etc etc....during this time to my knowledge he had disposed of his toy and was invested in working on our relationship.
The further I progressed the more distant he became and the more he shut off communicating.
4 months ago I found out he had been using the garage where this said woman worked two to three times a day and when I sat him down to talk about it, explained how it made me feel and how I couldn't understand if you were committed to working on your marriage why you would continue to do that he said he understood and knew it was wrong, it was me he wanted, blah blah blah so again I continued to try.
Now to the current 4 weeks ago I walked into the shed to find and New sex toy and lube hidden in the space of just a few days positioning moved several times so I questioned him about it and he got very defensive at which point I asked him to leave and he was more than happy to just walk away without any fight.
5 days later after spending the day in the family home with me and our children he then said he had to go but was very sheepish after proceeding to the shed and of course after leaving I checked and the toy and lube had gone. Same day he is back on gay chat site all evening, the following morning and again two days later.
In between these days he was telling me he was going to get himself sorted out, he knew it was all his fault and that he was going to put everything right. Also confessed to taking it out of the shed and said he had thrown in away on route to work ( he didn't go to work during that time)
I then confided in one of our mutual friends regarding the whole situation and explained all of what had been going on in the hope if he knew people would be supportive he would seek professional help but on finding out this he went ballistic said " it was his secret to tell" and I just wanted to change him I couldn't just be happy for him to have his secret life in the shed at 2am.
When discussing taking wedding pictures down because of how much it hurt to look at them he made comments such as " don't put them in the closet will you" and has also said in response to my saying he should be true to himself or he will never be happy " when I'm 70 and with my husband Bob because nobody cares at 70 do they, you can tell me I told you so"
I've now found out that 6 days after leaving he also contacted the woman from the garage and has since taken her out for dinner and told me he is unsure what will happen between them " she told me she doesn't want to get in a relationship with me as she doesn't want to be a rebound" " she doesn't want to step into your shoes and is anxious about meeting the children" comments which make me think there is more to it than he says of course.
My question is though I'm seriously confused my gut instinct is he is not being true to himself but his actions are saying I'm a hetro man that fell out of love with you and moved on to another woman....
Has anyone here had any experience with a gay married man being a serial cheat with women?  Could this be his own way of trying to affirm he is not gay? Is this new woman just another mask for him?
He is still insisting he is not gay all sites and toys are now gone out of his life since the weekend after leaving because " I aint doing that no more" " I don't want that in my life"
Sometimes feel like I'm going crazy and after listening to his lies and bull crap continuously  for 20 years its very difficult to not fall into his trap of believing since leaving 4 weeks ago he is now a changed man and this was obviously just a problem with me even though my logical brain try to tell me different