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August 9, 2021 8:51 pm  #1


to Papagumdrop

Hi Papagumdrop,

You have posted in the section we can't reply to and I am hoping that simply writing your story out will have done the trick for you but just incase, I thought I'd weigh in - it would be a shame to lose such a nice girlfriend over a misunderstanding.

At heart, it seems to me the problem is you haven't processed your feelings towards your ex - to share details about your new girlfriend with her says to me you have not woken up to the truth of your ex's character.  

The truth of her, the truth of you, the truth of your marriage is in those feelings.  You start by saying you felt angry and in shock.  Probably a good place to start, letting that anger come up and listen to it.

Apart from anything else, the naps with college girlfriends is enough to indicate she was being deceptive with you from the start.  And I just don't see why family abuse gives a free pass for any of it.

You end by saying you don't judge her no problem with that, but why not blame her instead.    



 

 

August 22, 2021 9:38 pm  #2


Re: to Papagumdrop

I agree in hindsight I willfully ignored some major warning signs and that I had formed a co-dependent post marriage relationship out of a combination of fear, guilt, and loneliness.

Blame is separate from judgement in my mind. I guess I try not to judge someone since I can't be in their mind but I do ask that they own their decisions which would equate accepting blame. 

Thanks for your reaching out, it means a lot

My partner and I had a nice deep talk before we went spent some time in a little cabin vacation. We laid out our fears and hang ups and we are moving forward with our relationship. We just spent the past 4 days doing things together with our children. Two for me and two for her, the oldest being 8. Still lots to discuss like parenting methods but we are back to planning to blend our families and move in together next year sometime.

I recognize my emotional trauma healing is far from over but it seems like I have a way forward for me and my kids at least no matter what happens. I told the ex we shouldn't communicate except for child related matters and after an initial resistance period she seems to be obeying my wishes


 

Last edited by Papagumdrop (August 22, 2021 9:43 pm)

 

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