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- Rob
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Re: Very sad tonight and reaching out
OutofHisCloset wrote:
About loneliness. Maybe it helps with post-separation loneliness to remember how lonely and rejected we felt while with spouses who were so distant and cold and self absorbed?
Yes, I fall back on that often.. the demeaning rejection but often the rage and abuse that I endured...I can shake just thinking about it.
I'm safe now. Alone but safe.
My days are ok but the sadness and loneliness follows me and can come crashing down on me if I let it. I'm learning but its all new to me.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Judy
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Re: Very sad tonight and reaching out
Oh I don't miss him at ALL. Just loneliness in general. You are right! Who could miss someone so awful? Nope. I am extremely glad he's gone.
About loneliness. Maybe it helps with post-separation loneliness to remember how lonely and rejected we felt while with spouses who were so distant and cold and self absorbed?
About loneliness. Maybe it helps with post-separation loneliness to remember how lonely and rejected we felt while with spouses who were so distant and cold and self absorbed?
- Judy
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Re: Very sad tonight and reaching out
Rob,
Stay very busy. Develop routines that she was never involved in. Don't sit and think. There is no way to make sense of any of this! Talk walks if you can. That's what has helped me. Was she physically abusing you? You have a great deal of feelings like I do that sort of remind me of that. Mine wasn't always physically abusive. He was much better at neglect and emotional abuse or games. Exclusion from his life and plotting and planning to "fuck me up" as his hobby. TGT was in addition to that but not the focus. He got his kicks from playing games that resulted in my pain. This will get better. I am certain we will get better and have less pain. It's just so hard when the separation is a few months old. I would liken this process to being brutally poked by a long needle relentlessly and after decades it stops. YOU THINK you can feel the pin still poking you but it's not really doing it. It's going to take some time before the wound heals and it registers we are no longer being abused. I think the complex emotional abuse that swirls around this is just horrible. It's got so many facets, the only thing we can do is take the trip and get to the other side the best we can.
Judy
Last edited by Judy (October 20, 2016 1:52 pm)
- Rob
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Re: Very sad tonight and reaching out
Judy,
There was the constant emotional abuse. I was not beaten..but there was constant swearing and raging at me .sometimes 2 inches from my face just taunting to get physical. I would walk away each time. Closest to physical was many times in her rage she would throw things at me....I avoided her as much as I could. Was I afraid of her...yes... I'm a bit ashamed to say it but there it is.. I may as well have been beaten. I went through the checklist of a domestic abuse phamplet and I fit all the categories save physical bruises.
So I'm alone now...its just me...only me. Alone is safe.
Last edited by Rob (October 20, 2016 3:56 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Judy
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Re: Very sad tonight and reaching out
Rob,
I understand what you went through. Mine was covert. He plotted and planned careful set ups for me to endure where he could watch my pain. At the end they all involved the Gay lover in the straight marriage of his own. They orchestrated it all together. By the time he left, I was relieved to be alone just like you. There was an interim wherein he was around moving things out and settling business matters but it was a really big thing when I changed the locks and knew putting him in my past was starting and I was SAFE. He is a master at manipulation without raising his voice. The physical abuse was short lived at the end when he knew I was uncovering all of it and he could no longer spin and lie it all away. I think he thought he had nothing to lose. I filed police reports and told him to get out or I would get a restraining order against him making him move out. He had a loaded gun and I didn't sleep well for at least five years because of that. He had everything to gain if I weren't around. It took me coming here to realize I had to get him as out of my life as I could or there would be no way forward at all. That improved my life greatly. The fact remains both of us are better off and now SAFE. Safe is real good, my friend. I can see you know that as well. Did it ever occur to you she was trying to force you to decide to vacate the marriage for her? It did to me. Mine is a viscious quiet and shy man who couldn't make the decision. It was better in his mind to torment me out of it. I'm honored to know you.
Judy
Last edited by Judy (October 20, 2016 4:25 pm)